Monday, 24 June 2013

The Amazing Race Canada - Here's Your 9 Teams, Canada!

CTV is making their official team announcements all this week - 2 or 3 teams per day. Here is the list of teams as identified by CTV, including their so-called "Motto", "Strategy", and "Number one roadblock as team", with my own comments. Oh, and ... Spoiler Alert: don't read any further if you don't want to know the teams' (approximate) results!
Jody (L) and Cory (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV
Jody Mitic/Cory Mitic
Relationship: Brothers.
Cory: 32 years old. Labour Relations Officer/Motivational Speaker, Edmonton, Alberta.
Jody: 36 years old. Army Sniper (Retired), Ottawa, Ontario.
Motto: "They are the enemy and we shall destroy them"
Strategy: "Focus, hard work, calculated risk"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "Being patient and bringing the intensity down a little from red line"

Jody is a double amputee. Not that that matters. I just hope that Insight Productions and CTV don't give them an edit making it seem like they are out to prove something. Besides, if you watch their audition video, I really don't think this guy needs to prove anything. I guess this is the one team that I can't poke fun at. But...their motto and strategy seem a bit extreme...I don't think destroying Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod will go over well with the audience. Whatever works for you I guess. In this case, it did. They made it far...very far. Destroyed a lot of teams - they were spotted in Toronto, putting them in the final 3. It's funny how CTV made their announcement for the first two teams. They are complete polar opposites of each other. In fact, I wouldn't be surprises if CTV/Insight Productions cast this second team just to see if some drama develops between them. Read on to see what I mean...

Kristen (L) and Darren (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV

Kristen Idiens/Darren Trapp       

Relationship: Dating Couple
Kristen: 32 years old. Outdoor Adventure Guide, Fairmont Hot Springs, B.C.
Darren: 26 years old. White Water Raft Guide/Lifeguard, Fairmont Hot Springs, B.C.
Motto: "We believe strongly in equity for all living creatures and creating our own realities through positive thinking and sharing love everywhere we go"
Strategy: "Using our fitness level, logic, resourcefulness, and maintaining a positive attitude towards each challenge"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "Remembering to use our differences to our advantage instead of getting frustrated with each other"

Oh good God! Dude. That's not a motto, that's a Mission Statement for a medicinal marijuana grower. None of which has anything to do with competing in the Amazing Race. Lets break this down. "Equity for all living creatures". What? Is there a team of bears competing? "Creating our own realities". Is that some sort of transcendental meditation hogwash, or are they advocates of the holographic universe theory? Woh, Dude! Maybe Darren knows what happened to Schrodinger's cat. "Sharing love everywhere we go". Listen, what you guys do in your own time is your own business, just use protection. You do realize you're on Amazing Race, don't you - I don't think you have time for spreading love or whatever you want to call it. What an interesting couple. Oh well. Don't get too invested in Team Dreadlocks - they're the third team to be eliminated. Maybe they stopped to ride a unicorn or share a doobie with Bigfoot. Future plans: catching the next Delorean back to 1967.

Jamie (L) and Pierre (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV

Jamie Cumberland/Pierre Cadieux

Relationship: Best Friends
Jamie: 47 years old. HR Advisor/Talent Management, Airdrie, Alberta.
Pierre: 38 years old. GM Creditor Insurance/Banker
Motto: "We are ready to represent our towns, represent our province, and represent our tribe"
Strategy: "Ask everyone in sight for help and read the clues extra carefully"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "The language barrier of French Canada, and being too friendly and generous with information to other teams"

Not only are they cowboys from Alberta (it could only be Alberta, right?), but they are members of the Alberta Rockies Gay Rodeo Association. Nope. I am NOT going to do it. I swear I will not fall into that trap of making the obvious reference. You know what I am talking about, right? Besides, they don't exactly look like Jake Gyllenhaal or Heath Ledger. Ooops. Yet, I wouldn't be surprised if they bring it up themselves, make a joke about it with the other teams. Oh and guys, your strategy? Really? Sounds like a recipe for failure. Asking everyone for directions and reading clues extra carefully not only makes for boring television, but it's going to A fact that proves correct when you're the second team eliminated.

Treena Ley/Tennille Dorrington
Trina (L) and Tennille (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV

Relationship: Twin Sisters
Treena: 36 years old. Police Sargeant, Hamilton, Ontario.
Tennille: 36 years old (duh, they're twins). Tax Auditor, Hamilton, Ontario.
Motto: "You can't spell TWIN without WIN"
Strategy: We plan to maximize on our individual strengths, think, and listen to each other, observe, plan, fast! Don't come last!"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "We both have to be right and in control. Our stubbornness is usually the root of most of our problems"

Oh where do I begin with these two? I know. I was just wondering if I can call you two "The Sargeant and Tennille"? Sorry, but that was even more obvious than me trying not to reference Brokeback Mountain for the cowboys. Ooops, again. But I am loving your motto and strategy. Why, you ask? Well, it's kind of the exact opposite of a self-fulfilling prophesy, isn't it? Or maybe you just jinxed yourselves. "You can't spell twin without win." Ouch. "Run fast..don't come last". That's going to hurt. Did you guys write this yourselves, or did CTV? If I were you, I would tell everyone that CTV wrote it. Yeah that's the ticket. Sorry girls, you two are cute and all, and I love your win-win attitude, but you're the first team to be eliminated, aren't you? Tennille...please don't audit me for that, okay?

Jet (L) and Dave. Source: Canada News Wire/CTV
Jet Black/Dave Schram
Relationship: Best Friends
Jet: 32 years old. Police Officer, London, Ontario.
Dave: 28 years old. Marketing, London, Ontario.
Motto: "We're like icebergs. 10% above water, 90% below"
Strategy: "Be ourselves and a strategic manner"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "Getting along when things don't go our way, we're both control freaks"

Jet and Dave. Sounds like a group from the sixties. You know, like Jan and Dean or the Beach Boys. Kind of look like one too. Well, except those muscles. Yowza! None of those guys had muscles like that back then. Just Schwarzenegger. And he didn't really come along until the 70's. Now that's a motto. Even though I'm not quite sure what that means. But at least it's better than the motto of those hippies. The rest of your bio...boring! I think I liked you guys better when I thought you were nerds. At least they know who Harry Potter is. Anyways, get to know these two well....they go far in the race.
Hal (L) and Joanne (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV

Hal Johnson/Joanne McLeod
Relationship: Married Couple
Hal: 57 years old. TV Personality/Fitness Promotion, Oakville, Ontario.
Joanne: 54 years old. TV Personality/Fitness Promotion, Oakville, Ontario.
Motto: "Keep fit and have fun"
Strategy:  "Our strategy is to be as patient as possible, not get ahead of ourselves, allow for each other's strengths to be utilized, listen and be persistent"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "The biggest challenge will be to keep the intensity and focus for the entire day and race" 

Careful, Team Body Break...your age is showing. Yeah, after a certain age, it gets kind of hard to maintain focus for a whole day. But all those years of fitness training should help to keep up the intensity, right? Don't forget to do those leg lift exercises to relieve stress while flying. It's a good thing your strategy isn't trying to keep your fame a secret, because that certainly didn't work. I hope for the other teams' sakes that you didn't provide unsolicited fitness advice to everyone. Don't be fooled by their on-air, perfect, clean-cut persona. Team Body Break cut in line at the airport! In front of paying customers. As if flying Air Canada wasn't aggravating enough with all their flight delays, but now us common people have to worry about Body Break cutting in? Hrumpf!!! And don't get too wrapped up in nostalgia and hoping they win...they get eliminated about halfway through.

Holly (L) and Brett (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV

Brett Burstein/Holly Agostino  

Relationship: Married Couple
Brett: 38 years old. Paediatrician, Montreal, Quebec.
Holly: 38 years old. Paediatrician, Montreal, Quebec.
Motto: "Total focus, eyes on the prize"
Strategy: "Be cunning and resourceful, we are pros at functioning under pressure no matter what the conditions"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "Over analyzing. Our challenge as a team will be to embrace the quiet moments to refuel, get out of the game, and enjoy the beauty of Canada."

I'm bored already. Oh wait. Here's something interesting. In his bio, Brett listed "defibrillation" as a strength. I don't get it. This isn't a job resume, it's a cast bio for a reality TV show. Is he carrying a portable defibrillator in his backpack? I would just carry extra underwear. How many people is he going to resuscitate anyway? Oh maybe it's just to psych out the older Hal and Joanne. Ahhh, okay. And what's that about their #1 roadblock as a team? Embracing the quiet moments and enjoy the beauty of Canada? Oh guys. The only "beauty of Canada" you are going to see are those cheesy wall murals in airport boarding areas, while you waste time because of flight delays. We will probably be seeing more of the beauty of Canada while watching the show. I hope this team gets more interesting as the season progresses, because they go far (but not far enough).

Tim Sr. (L) and Tim Jr. (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV

Tim Hague Sr./Tim Hague Jr.
Relationship: Father and Son
Tim Sr: 48 years old. Registered Nurse, Winnipeg, Manitoba.
Tim Jr: 23 years old. Sales, Winnipeg, Manitoba.
Motto: "Just because you've been given a diagnosis does not mean the end of your life"
Strategy: "Have an amazingly fun time and see how far we can get"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "Both of us have pretty strong personalities so it will be a challenge to make sure we're always positive with each other"

This is a team worth rooting for. Tim Sr. was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease three years ago, and it looks like he hasn't let it get him down...he has competed in triathlons and marathons. And who doesn't love a father and son team? You two better not make me cry because, like baseball, there is no crying in the Amazing Race. In their bio, they say they have never traveled east of Winnipeg and they want to see Quebec City. Well, they get their wish and then some. Yeah, that's a  big hint.

Vanessa (L) and Celina (R) Source: Canada News Wire/CTV

Vanessa Morgan/Celina Mziray
 Relationship: Sisters
Vanessa: 21 years old. Actress, Ottawa, Ontario.
Celina: 30 years old. Bikini Model, Ottawa, Ontario.
Motto: "We are mini but mighty"
Strategy: "We may come across as naive or clueless, and we would use this to our advantage as we are not. Also, we have lots of experience travelling and in airports"
#1 Roadblock as a Team: "Any challenge that requires strength, we may be in trouble, because we are very small. Little minis!"

Excuse me a second. All this sweet little girl talk just gave me a sugar overdose. I suspect it was just Vanessa who wrote this bio, not her sister. No 30 year old writes like that. Besides, it looks like Celina, the bikini model, has a good 6 inches on Vanessa. So she's not that "mini". And talk about contradictory...first they say they are mini but mighty. Then they say their "mini-ness" and lack of strength is a setback. But here is the real aggravating part: despite the thousands upon thousands of applications from normal, everyday Canadians, they had to cast another minor celebrity. That's going to piss off a lot of people. I guess CTV is hoping to gain audience in the 14 to 17 year old male category. Or they are hoping for some drama to develop between the teams. I wonder how quickly it will be before we see these two doing their nails or rolling their eyes at team Body Break or Team Dreadlocks. Can't wait. They do okay. Don't know how. Oh wait. Maybe the eliminated teams should check their necks...ya bit? Ya bit?

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