Friday, 10 March 2017

How to Prepare for 10 Weeks of Big Brother Canada - Revised

Big Brother Canada Season 5 premieres on March 15th. As excited as we all are, we can sometimes forget the consequences it has on our lives. After all, the show runs for ten weeks, and there are three episodes per week. Add in the time spent watching Live Feeds, and you may develop anti-social behaviours.

Follow along as I embark on the 10 WEEK ODYSSEY that is Big Brother Canada. I will be live tweeting the feeds. Well, at least I'm going to try. If you see me there, say hello...I'm mostly nice. Mostly.

First of all, take your mind off of all these crazy rumours. Rumours are rumours. Of course, if some of them come true, then I didn't say this. Didn't come from me. Pfft! I knew it weeks ago.

You better limber up those fingers. There's going to be a whole lotta Tweetin' going on. It's exhausting!
After all, with 10 weeks of live feeds, that's a lot of hours spent online. I wonder if anyone has ever calculated that total?

Ahhh, no. She's estimated AGAIN. But what it does mean is, you have to prepare for some late nights.

Sure, you can have a cup of coffee. Go ahead and have two or three. Just be sure to invest in enough K-Cups to see you through.

But dear God, watch your caffeine intake. Things can go south pretty quick and you'll end up regretting the things you say.

Have you banked your holidays and sick days? You may need them.

Oh, if you're a new viewer, you should know that the Live Feeds usually go down on Easter Weekend and this conveniently coincides with the first double eviction of the season. You will feel lost. Like you've been marooned on a deserted island. Totally disconnected. You may even question reality.

Or, you may just be bored shitless.

You know, it is Easter weekend after all. Maybe you really should spend time with your family.

So, my best advice is to find an alternative activity to fill that void. BTW, the feeds are also down for comps and evictions. What do I do when the feeds are down, you ask? I knit things for my loved ones. It's a great stress-reliever.

Don't fancy knitting? Well maybe you can clean up a bit. At least do the damn dishes.

Make sure to get some exercise.

Or you might go stir crazy. That would be bad.

Oh, and your laundry. Your co-workers are starting to wonder why you've worn the same clothes for 4 days in a row. And while you're at it...get your shit together and clean yourself up.
Or maybe you can spend your time getting back to doing the important things in life.... like finding the best gifs. I mean, come on. Caterpillar-cats + cats driving cat-cars + happy bouncy buildings. You can't get any better than that.

Prepare your friends and family for your total disinterest in the real world. Draw up a list of excuses why you can't go out.

Don't forget to build your own little nest. I believe it's called "optimizing your living space". For instance, this chair is starting to look very handy.
(NOTE TO SELF: search for "toilet chair")

Make sure you have enough food on hand. And if you eat it all, make sure you have an excuse or two.

Call the grocery store and ask if they deliver by drone. I mean, they do that now, right?

Or, you can always hire a caterer.

Did I mention there will be inappropriate, strong language? Ooops, my bad. Better get used to it, because there will be a lot of it. De-sensitize yourselves now. Fucking repeat after me........

Watch out for Twitter Trolls. There are a lot of them.

The block button is your new BFF. But you have to be fast.

But even the non-trolls can get a do I say this? Ummn... overly involved.

Especially when their favourite HG gets evicted.
 Prepare yourself for it - your favorite will undoubtedly get themselves evicted too. They always do.
Don't take it out on your TV. It's completely innocent.

People are going to judge your life choices.
They will say stuff like, "You actually WATCH that show?" Euww.

This leads some fans to watch in secret. Like this guy. Whoever he is. How should I know?

Nah, just kidding. I'm a Big Brother Fan. And if anyone has anything to say about it...

Have fun watching, you Big Brother fans, you!
And my last request is... if you see the loved ones of the new batch of House Guests on social media, please be kind.