Saturday, 15 October 2016

Good Idea? Bad Idea?

This week, I'm looking at this whole Bachelorette Journey thing a little different. Let's play a little game of Good Idea/Bad Idea, Bachelorette Canada Style. Yes, I am making the rules up as I go.

We begin with Jasmine and her eleven remaining hopefuls traveling to Montreal. Jasmine gives her gratuitous narrative, telling us of the significance of this week. She's really going to get to know the guys on a personal level and connections will either develop or dwindle away. Kevin W finds the first date card but when he opens it to read, Drew says, "Captain Canada, let me do it. You've had too many dates." Kevin hands it over.

So what do you think...good idea? Bad idea?
Oh this is an easy one. The correct and only answer to this is, BAD IDEA. Drew has already pranked this prank before. So in handing the card over so easily, Kevin is risking being called Drew's sidekick.
[Give yourself 10 points for guessing correctly.
Deduct 10 points for thinking this could ever turn out well]

And of course, when Drew reads the card, "Lets paint the town together...CHRIS," Chris falls for it. Again. Hook, line and sinker. He's very excited. What's that saying? Oh yes. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Well, shame on you, Chris. Seriously, this is Drew we're talking about. The date is really for Mikhel.

The next morning, Jasmine has a little surprise for the guys. She has McDonalds coffee, danish and croissants delivered to their room, with a little note that reads "sweets for the sweet." Completely random and not motivated at all by McDonald's sponsorship of the show. Very thoughtful. So, is this a Good Idea? Bad Idea? Hah! Another easy one. It's a Good Idea. But do you know why? It's a distraction. Yep. While Mike and the others try to see if they can fit an entire danish in their mouths, Jasmine has decided to make a personal coffee delivery to Mikhel. And yes, she finds him at least half naked under the covers. Jasmine is not wasting any time. She goes in for the kiss. The only problem is I think Mikhel may have thought he had morning breath, because he hesitates a bit.
[Give yourself 10 points for thinking this was a good idea.
Give yourself 5 bonus points for realizing the move was a distraction.
Deduct 10 points if you thought it was a bad idea to get these guys all hopped up on sugar]

Mikhel and Jasmine's date literally involves painting the town, graffiti-style. It's okay, folks. This is the artistic, pre-approved kind of graffiti. Not the defacing, urban blight kind. Jasmine starts to paint a rose, but sadly, Mikhel has no artistic talent. Jasmine claims she wanted to see if Mikhel can loosen up and have fun. But something tells me where Mikhel is concerned, she doesn't really care about all of that stuff. From here, they go to Chateau Vieux and are given a private concert by Franklin Electric. There is much kissing. Their date moves to the hot tub, where the kissing continues. Something tells me these two might enjoy an early check-in on that Fantasy Suite. Already. Yeah, this date was THAT hot.
Photo Courtesy: Corus/W Network
The second date card is a Group Date at Cirque du Soleil...because it's Montreal. Jasmine has invited Andrew, Kevin P, David and Benoit along. Each guy is given an apparatus to practice and perform a few moves. Jasmine will judge their performances and give the winner an extra 1-on-1 date. Kevin gets the Chinese Pole. David remarks that Kevin looks like he's worked a pole before, and worries he might get another rose. David gets hanging straps (similar to gymnastic rings). I am convinced Jasmine is still punishing him by giving him this apparatus. He's having a hard time but puts up a brave front for Jasmine. Benoit gets the bungee trapeze. He has to use a harness which squishes his balls. But while practising, he invites Jasmine to climb aboard and the two go for a bounce. No, it's not what it sounds like. Andrew gets a trampoline in the middle of an oversized brass bed, because Jasmine thinks he has a lot of energy to get out of his system. But when Andrew performs his routine, Jasmine says he looks like a Big Man Baby. Okay, I may not be a guy but I'm pretty sure no guy would ever want to be referred to as a Man-Baby in bed. And adding the adjective "Big" does not make it any better. I think we can all agree it's a really bad idea.
[Just go ahead and give yourself 10 points for that one.]
Photo Courtesy: Corus/W Network

All four guys were pretty good sports about it and they all did a great job. But Jasmine decides Benoit had the best routine and gives him the extra 1-on-1 date. This consisted of going to a special VIP showing of Luzia, then enjoying a little Benoit fun time afterwards. Benoit wants to spoon on the chaise lounge and when Jasmine asks why, he explains, "to have a conversation in each others' ears." I love the way Benoit puts things but is this a good idea or a bad idea? Jasmine gives it a try, but sits back up again. [note the editing: we can't tell how long they were conversing in each others' ears] Under the right circumstances, spooning and talking can be a good idea. But in this case, mais non, mon cher. It's like Benoit is just trying way too hard with Jasmine. So I'd have to say with Benoit, this was a bad idea. The same thing goes for their kissing. They were both trying too hard. And I was sooo hoping the best for Benoit. C'est la vie.

The last date card is quickly grabbed by Mike before Drew can commandeer it. Mike reads: "Let's kick off something special." They all immediately say "Football!" and Chris is not impressed. He hates sportsball. With an inevitable Chris/Drew showdown looming on the horizon, we know where this is going. For this group date, Jasmine's picked Drew, Kyle, Thomas, Kevin W, Mike and of course, Chris. Here we go folks.

It's a 3-on-3 football showdown at Notre Dame College. Jasmine says she's not "super into watching sports" but...BUTTS. Yep, she's definitely a woman I can relate to. The guys are split into two teams. It's Team Naughties: Drew; Thomas; and Kyle, vs Team Hotties: Chris; Mike; and Kevin W. I'm not quite sure of the guidelines of how the guys were split into these two teams. Who's hot? Who's naughty? I don't know. And isn't it convenient that Drew and Chris are on opposing teams? Chris is so clueless with football, he asks if he has to take off his shorts. Thankfully Kevin W is on his team and helps him by telling him to put the pads on under the shirt,and demonstrates how to "hit them hard" the safe way. Drew psychs himself up by saying it will be fun just to hit the guy (Chris). Jasmine explains the first team to get three touchdowns wins extra time with her.

As Drew's cackles intensify at an alarming rate, Team Naughties score two easy TDs thanks to Kyle being Kyle the Brick Wall. Jasmine really wants some extra time with Drew...I guess she didn't hear him do that cackling thing, or she would definitely rethink that.

Photo Courtesy: Corus/W Network
Okay, I am not a football fan. I don't know the terminology. So excuse me if I don't get the terms right. As Drew's cackles intensify at an alarming rate, Team Naughties come out strong, scoring two easy touchdowns - thanks to Kyle being Kyle the Brick Wall. Jasmine really wants some extra time with Drew...I guess she didn't hear him do that cackling thing, or she would definitely rethink that. Drew tackles Chris. Chris says he's not physically intimidated by Drew and will do whatever it takes. I'm not sure if he's still talking winning the game or impressing Jasmine. First, he blocks Thomas from scoring, then goes on to score himself. Mike makes a touchdown to tie it up. Kevin rolls his ankle and tells Jasmine he's a man and can deal with it. He gets it taped up, returns to the field then wins the game. Hurrah! Kevin is pretty sure he just won extra time for his Hotties team.


Jasmine tells them she is bringing them all along. The Naughties rejoice while the Hotties - especially Chris, are bummed out. Chris thinks Jasmine needs to find out that Drew is not showing her the same side of himself as he does with him. He's planning on telling her tonight. While Kevin has his twisted ankle taken care of, everyone else heads off to Muzique for the party.  Jasmine secretly tells us she will give the first alone time to the gentleman to pour a glass of wine for her first...that turns out being Mike. Jasmine mentions that she has heard he has an 8-pack, and wants him to take his shirt off so she can have a look. Is this a good idea or a bad idea? Got ya. It's both. Mike says he's not the flashy kind, but he does what she wants. Sure, that's always a good idea. Now she wants to get to know Mike and his 8-pack a little better. So do we. BUT, it's a bad idea to return to the party with your shirt open and untucked from your pants. Especially when Kevin W has returned from the hospital. Yep, as it turns out, Kevin has a bit of a jealous streak. He's not very happy to see Mike looking very happy and flaunting it. Like, what? Does he think they were making out or something? Ugh.

Meanwhile, Drew actually tells Chris he really stepped up today and perhaps he deserves the rose. He adds that at least someone from the winning team should get it. BUT, he doesn't think that's going to happen, implying that he will get it. Chris is suspicious of Drew's sudden good will and is now determined to talk to Jasmine about Drew. Well now. What do you think? Is Chris' move a good idea?

Let me explain something to you about the Bachelor/Bachelorette world. If you didn't know already, this kind of thing happens IN EVERY SEASON. Yep. There is always a "villain" and there is always at least one other who can't stand said villain. The other person - playing the "friend" role, goes to the lead and attempts to warn them about the villain. They'll say stuff like "He's showing you a different side of himself to you" or "She's a mean girl to the rest of us." Once in a while the lead will take the advice - especially if they like them (romantically), but usually they will tell the bearer of this news to stop. Their time together is short and they shouldn't waste it worrying about the others. It's risky. The bottom line is this is a bad idea. Never play the "friend" role offering advice. Never.

Chris first asks Jasmine if she would want to know if someone wasn't like they appear to be. When she says yes, he tells her about the date card incident. So she has a talk with Drew. Of course, he came off as douchy when he explained it was a joke. While this convo is happening, Chris is telling the other guys how he was hurt when Drew pranked him and that he told Jasmine about it. Kevin doesn't think it's cool to snitch on another guy like that and I would have to agree. Jasmine returns and tells them she is not giving anyone the date rose, then leaves. See? Chris had that rose in the bag, but he only screwed himself.

Now there are a lot of people out there, I know, who think Chris is the good guy and Drew is the bad guy. "Drew should leave!" But here's the thing. It doesn't matter. That is because neither one have formed a connection with Jasmine yet, and I think it's safe to say neither one will. They could both go at any time and it will not change the end result to Jasmine's Journey. At this point, they are the secondary storyline. So don't go getting too upset over it.

The next day, Noah pays a visit with the guys to tell them that Jasmine has cancelled the pre-Rose Ceremony party. Now no one will get a chance to have a last minute talk with her. Look what you've done, Chris. You are going to have a few of these guys really pissed at you.
Photo Courtesy: Corus/W Network
Right to the Rose Ceremony. Mikhel and Benoit have roses, so Jasmine will only be handing out six more. Three will be leaving. She gives them to:  Mike; Kevin W; Thomas; Kevin P. She stops to pull Drew aside for a talk and when they come back, she gives one to Chris. Noah comes in to say his standard spiel about the last rose. It's a choice between Drew, Kyle, David and Andrew. And it comes as no surprise at all that she gives it to Drew.

My Picks This Week:
For the third straight week, Mikhel is my number one. Hands down. Mikhel is definitely in the F2 and still my choice as F1.
I think Mike and Kevin P are tied for second at this point.
Most people would place Kevin W at or near the top, but not me. I've not changed my mind about him. That whole jealousy thing started to show this week, and we know it's going to get worse.
Thomas & Benoit they've both kissed her, but there really isn't much there.
Chris & Drew are non-players

Next Week:
  • Jasmine and her eight remaining suitors go to Quebec City.
  • Mike FINALLY gets a 1-on-1 date with Jasmine, and FINALLY gets a REAL kiss.
  • One group date is at a spa with Drew, Benoit and Kevin W. Jasmine gets to play a game of guess who's massaging me.
  • The second group date is with Thomas, Chris, Kevin P and Mikhel, in some sort of display of wood-splitting, lumberjacky male prowess. Looks like Chris tries to impress Jasmine with his wood. I'm sure this is because Drew previously told him and the others that Jasmine wants someone who can take life by the balls and they shouldn't be intimidated.
  • Only one guy goes home this week. I think it's going to be Chris...I told you, the ratting out another guy thing never turns out well. 

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