Thursday, 20 October 2016

Kissing: The 6 Rules of Engagement

My Recap of Episode 5

Going into Quebec City, Jasmine looks forward to spending more time with the eight remaining guys. She admits to having different connections with each. What exactly are those connections? I think it's safe to say Jasmine has her sights set on four of these guys: Mikhel, Mike, and the two Kevins. Sure, she has flirtations with Thomas and Benoit, but they are just that. Flirtations. As for Drew or Chris...there's really not much going on, is there? And as for "more time" I think we all know she means kissing time.

The eight remaining guys saunter into the Chateau Frontenac. As they settle in, Thomas says he was sure Jasmine would have sent Drew and Chris home last week. Chris is still hung up on Drew getting the last rose at the Rose Ceremony. He also points out that Jasmine said she's looking for something different. Somehow, Chris seems to think that means him and he hopes to get the 1-on-1 date this week. Drew tells us that he thinks Jasmine won't appreciate Chris throwing him under the bus. Is it wrong of me to agree with Drew?

Noah delivers the first date card and warns that things are only going to get more intense. Translation: there will be more kissing. Kevin P reads the date card, "Love is in the air." It's a 1-on-1 date for Mike. Kevin W says it hurts not hearing his name on the card (Woh...hold on there Kevin, you've already had your date!) He's worried about Mike being a stud, then adds it should be fine as long as "Jasmine doesn't get Mike's shirt off." Yes, he said that. Frankly, I don't think Kevin can handle the Bachelorette dating format well. Just saying.

Photo Courtesy: Corus/W Network
It's another helicopter date. This is odd because Jasmine and Kevin W's date in Jamaica was a helicopter date, and we all know they first kissed on that ride.  And we all know there is some kind of unwritten rule that couples in this franchise MUST kiss in helicopters. Sure enough, Mike goes in for his first kiss with Jasmine. Then again. And again. At this point I wonder why Jasmine and Mikhel's date didn't have a helicopter ride, since Mikhel actually works with helicopters. Is that to come???
From here they go for some romantic 1-on-1 time together, which degrades into Jasmine asking if Mike wants to live in Winnipeg for the rest of his life. He knows he has to word his response very carefully, noting he must live there for his career. First, Jasmine says she can't live in Winnipeg, but then adds it would be nice to live close to home. (Note: this convo was rather confusing and carefully edited) Of course, Jasmine gives him the date rose.

Thomas finds and reads the second date card, "Are you strong enough to be my man?", while noting he hopes his name is on it because he and Jasmine shared a spark on their date together. I guess "sharing a spark" is what we call some pretty heavy kissing now. It's a group date for Chris, Mikhel, Kevin P and of course, Thomas. Kevin W pipes up, commenting that it's probably something involving real "Man-strength" and these four guys are the least strong there. Especially Mikhel, who Kevin thinks may look jacked, but he's just blown up with muscle air. Drew adds in his two cents, hoping to psych out the guys. He tells them to just go at it hard. Jasmine likes someone to grab life by the balls and that they shouldn't be intimidated. Chris tells us the last time he talked with Jasmine, it was all about Drew. Now, he's done with that and he's ready to show her what he's got, "grabbing life by the balls." This can't turn out well.

The date is at Au Chalet en Bois Rond and is definitely a show of real man-stuff. High heels and tea are not included, but red plaid flannel shirts are. It is a timed competition with the guys having to do three manly things with wood to win some rustic alone time with Jasmine: carrying a big log over their heads; using an axe to split wood; and hammering huge nails into wood. Basically, all the components of building a log house and coincidentally something that Thomas has some experience with. So try as Chris might, it comes as no surprise that Thomas wins this. Besides, as Thomas puts it, "Thomas is many things." Mikhel is disheartened. Kevin P kicks over a log. Chris walks off to spend some alone time in the woods.
The rustic alone time - as Jasmine describes it, involves a horse-drawn wagon ride to a gorgeous cottage. Now, after their first date together being sooo heavy on the kissing, we kind of expect a part deux. Mais non. Apparently, rustic alone time means a chill date... with conversation and wine. No making out. And definitely no Netflix. Jasmine asks Thomas if he could build a house like this and he says he could do it with his eyes closed. Thomas tells Jasmine he was always called just plain "Tom" growing up and that "Thomas" is his International modeling persona. Tom is just a fun-loving, everyday kinda guy who likes to get crazy with karaoke. This leads to Tom singing to Jasmine, using a half-full Two Oceans wine bottle as the mic. Turns out, Tom has a good voice, but quite frankly, I would much rather see Thomas and his sexual tongue make an entrance right about now. Jasmine gives Thomas - or maybe Tom, the date rose even without kissing.

The third date card is for Drew, Kevin W and Benoit - a rather odd combination for a three-on-one date. It reads, "Who's got the magic touch?" Drew - sounding like a mastermind, explains his tactic with Jasmine for this date. He's not going to fight for her. No. Now, she must come to him. On the other hand, Kevin tells us he thinks his connection with Jasmine is much stronger than Drew's and Benoit's. Sounds like it's time to put that theory to the test. Let's see what you got, kid.

This date is at a place called Siberia Spa - and I don't even want to know why a spa in Quebec City names itself "Siberia." Jasmine must wear a blindfold and guess which guy gives her which spa treatment. Drew gives her a rather expert back massage. He's obviously done this many, many times before but I am a little taken aback that he has a bit of trouble with her bikini strap. Benoit gives her an awkward manicure, followed by a hand massage and a bit of finger sucking. I'm presuming the guys were specifically told they can't kiss her and Benoit decided to do the next best thing. Jasmine says, "And that's when I knew" (it was Benoit). Since Kevin is last, he's had a lot of time to think, which is probably a bad idea. He says no one likes to think of another guy rubbing down the girl they like. Kevin's task is a foot massage, which he thinks means "just rub until she makes a noise." He rubbed. She made a noise.

As corny as this all was, it was fun. But not as much fun - and insightful, as their time together in the hot tub. As soon as these four toast their date, Benoit grabs Jasmine for his own alone time. He doesn't waste any time. Nope. He gets right to the kissing. And I don't even know what I'm watching right now. It's not that Jasmine doesn't like kissing him. Really, I don't know what it's like. Maybe he's a good kisser, but he's just so damned persistent. Like a huge puppy licking your face. Yep, that's it. You know you shouldn't let the puppy do it, but you don't say no either. Because it tickles. And he just doesn't stop. At one point, Jasmine hadn't even swallowed a mouthful of wine. WHAT IS GOING ON? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! Does anyone out there know what Jasmine is doing? Because right now I just want to tell her to either send Benoit home or give in and get a Fantasy-Suite together.

This thing with Benoit was the fun part. Now comes the insightful part. Let me set the scene up for you. While Drew takes Jasmine to a different area to talk, Benoit gets back in the hot tub with Kevin, commenting that Drew will probably make his big move with Jasmine now. You can see that idea sinking into Kevin's brain. And it's not good. Jasmine tells us that she doesn't think Drew is a bad person and she wants to crack him open to see what he's about. Sure enough, Drew makes his move with the classic catchphrase, "I haven't tested these lips yet." They kiss some more.

I guess by this point, Kevin has decided he's done stewing in the hot tub. He's going to go interrupt Drew and Jasmine. But just as he goes to put on his bathrobe, he turns and stares at Drew and Jasmine kissing. Kevin has just gone full creepster. He goes back to the hot tub to stew some more. When Jasmine finally returns with Drew, she tries to toast the group date...but Kevin totally snubs her. It does not go unnoticed by Jasmine. And yes, it was very spiteful indeed, especially since at this point Jasmine is expecting Kevin to ask her for his own time alone. Let's just say that Jasmine has a huge revelation. She ends up giving the date rose to Drew, and I am actually glad she did. No rose for you, Pouty McPoutface.

The next morning and the day of the Rose Ceremony, Drew joins the rest of the guys wearing his celebration shorts and bearing champagne. Again. Chris is pissed at Drew. Again. He calls Drew a conquering hero and says it's all a game to him. Chris has his own plans and they involve something special to prove to Jasmine that he is the something different she is looking for. I don't have a good feeling about this. At all.

Mikhel is the first to grab Jasmine at the cocktail party and head off for some alone time. He takes this time to explain he is shy in front of the cameras, and never has the chance to tell her how he really feels. But she already knows this. He tells her he wants to be here with her more than anywhere else and "to just trust what I'm saying right now. I'm coming on full speed." Kevin P has his time with Jasmine. We aren't shown much of it and before he can really get anywhere with the conversation, Chris decides it's time to interrupt.

And I've decided to call Kevin P the "Constantly-Interrupted One." It's like the guy just can't catch a break.

So Chris's plan is to give Jasmine two presents. First, he gives her the handwritten lyrics to his part of the song in Jamaica. He says she asked him for it and she is touched by the gesture. His second gift is a kiss. But just as he leans in, she turns away. Ooopsie. She tries to explain...they haven't had enough time to form a romantic connection and it wouldn't be fair to him to pretend there is something between them. Somehow, Chris interprets this as Jasmine thinking they need more time together. Now he's sure he is getting a rose tonight because Jasmine wants to get to know him better. Thankfully, Benoit interrupts and Chris heads back to tell the guys he is sure he is getting a rose.

Noah shows up for the Rose Ceremony. Since Mike, Thomas and Drew already have date roses, there will only be four more roses to hand out. Jasmine gives Mikhel, Kevin W and Benoit roses. There is only one rose left and Jasmine's choice is between Kevin P and Chris. Now, Do I really need to tell you who Jasmine sends home? Nah didn't think so. Of course it's Chris.

My Thoughts on Next Week:

  • Jasmine and the seven remaining guys head to Morocco. 
  • We know that 2 more guys will be sent home, .
  • We see Drew sitting with Mikhel, Kevin P, Kevin W and Jasmine. Drew complains he has not had a 1-on-1 date. This looks to be the group date this week - and probably the only one. There is also a shot with Jasmine and Kevin W seemingly alone together. It could be extra 1-on-1 time or more likely they are just separated from the rest of the group.
  • The dreaded 2-on-1 date happens this week. Someone is getting left behind in the desert. We see 3 people on camels. Jasmine and Thomas (with his man-bun) are easy to identify, the second guy is not so easy. The only possibilities remaining are Mike or Benoit. Since Mike just had a 1-on-1 date in the last episode, I think Benoit must get the 1-on-1 date. So by process of elimination, Mike must be on the 2-on-1 date with Thomas. In other clips we see Jasmine tormented about making the right choice, "part of me wants to turn around and change my mind." (Note this last quote was previously heard as a voice-over in the season preview - with Jasmine at the Final Rose Ceremony. We now know she says it here on the 2-on-1, NOT the FRC!!!) And then we see Thomas sitting on a rock crying. So you can make of that what you will.
  • And we see more of the Kevin W storyline, aka Pouty "Creepster" McPoutface. This is the episode his jealousy gets out of control. If we can trust the edit in the season preview, it looks like Kevin P and Jasmine kiss during the cocktail party before the Rose Ceremony. Kevin W sees it (while looking very creepy doing it). Jasmine tells him it's her decision whether or not she explores the connections she's made with other guys.  He tells Jasmine he's "so f--king embarassed to say the word jealous, but I am." He walks away. He says "Ugh, I'm done" then tells the cameraman to go away. Jasmine remains sitting there - looking very pissed. Knowing what we've seen of Jasmine's character, I don't think she is going to put up with that crap.

  • I still expect Mikhel to be in the F2. At this point, I suspect either Mike or Kevin P to join him there.

  • I think Thomas is sent home during the 2-on-1, especially if he is up against Mike. I suspect either Drew or Kevin W to be the 2nd guy sent home.

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