Kissing: The 6 Rules of Engagement

My Recap of Episode 5

Recap of Episode 5: "The Little Blind Tugboat That Could"

I really looked forward to this episode. Following two very dynamic and difficult legs in Vietnam, it was supposed to be the gem of the season. Surely this was going to be the best of the domestic legs this year. I wanted to be overwhelmed by the beauty of northwest British Columbia, entranced by the Haida peoples, and most of all, thoroughly entertained by a well constructed TAR leg.

I wasn't. Well, it was gorgeous and the Haida segment was nice, don't get me wrong. But I just felt they could have done so much more with it. And this leg had only 3 tasks, two of which were Roadblocks. No Detour. I think it made for a boring leg, making it very linear. No real flipping back and forth of positions. And the timed seaplane and ferry departures only aggravated the situation.

Preview of Episode 5 "The Little Blind Tugboat That Could"

The seven remaining teams travel back home to Canada, flying into Vancouver, then on to Haida Gwaii.
Thar be spoilers here...

Amazing Race Canada 3 Episode 5 "The Face Off" OR How to Milk a Bull and Live to Tell About It

Yes...this was one helluva damn good episode. It was crafted with all the things we fans absolutely love: bad choices; suspense; a team losing first place because they got lost; strategy on the U-Turn. I could go on. And yet...

I have to say this new Face Off thing was a bit of a flop, but mostly because of unforeseen circumstances combined with the non-threat of a 4 hour penalty that a couple of teams were willing to take. And I have a lot to say about that - in a bit. And in many ways the REAL Face Off seemed to be shooting off one-liners among the teams, which really put this episode over the top.

The start times out of Halifax were very early. Or very late, depending on your point of view:

Dujean & Leilani   1:30 AM
Brian & Cynthia   1:51
Nick & Matt   2:36
Sean & Brent   2:52
Simi & Ope   3:31
Neil & Kristen 3:32
Gino & Jesse 3:39
Nic & Sabrina   4:14

Typical Plage victim
 (yes I know it's really Phage!)

A little bit more spread out since last week, but still close. And I think it's safe to say that Hamilton and Michaelia would not have been saved by their Express Pass last week IF they still had it. Even if they used it as soon as they discovered the passport missing. The teams must make their way to Les Iles de la Madeleine (aka the Magdalene Islands) and once there must load their Chevy Colorados (or is it Coloradoes? Oh crap, I don't care!) with camp gear and 2 kayaks. Gee...I wonder what those kayaks are for? Then, it's off to Plage de la Dune du Sud. Wait a minute. Plage? Isn't that the disease the Vidiians had in Star Trek Voyager? You know...those weirdos that stole Neelix' lungs?

Moving on.

And what else do you expect to do at a beach? Play in the sand, of course. The task is a Roadblock called "Who's the King of the castle?" One member from each team must bury their partner in the sand, then construct a sand castle around them.

Okay, before I go any further I have to tell you the low was 1.6C (35F) and the high was 6.6C (44F) the day this episode was filmed (May 11). That is a cold spring day if you live inland, but on the beach...in the water-soaked sand...in the Gulf of St. Lawrence? That's a different story altogether. It's the kind of weather that can really sneak up on you. Not to mention the fact that the person being buried had to lay down in a water-filled hole.

Screencap from Nick's dream.

Gino takes this one and compares building sandcastles to his experience in home renovations. Yeah. Kind of. He says the key is to keep the sand wet. Matt gets to bury Nick who says, "I've had dreams that end like this." I am sure. Kind of like when Ted Danson is murdered in Creepshow. Spoiler alert: Leslie Nielson did it. Oh, wait! Canadian connection! Meanwhile Brian decides this is a good time to confide to all of Canada that he and Cynthia are "married, with no kids, but we still like to boink." I LOVE this guy! Of course he is complaining about Cynthia throwing the cold sand on him, the cold sand pressing around his junk and how this isn't good for guys. Or anyone really. The cold is starting to affect everyone. Even big, tough Nick is shivering, and after several failed attempts, Kristen is hardest hit. Hypothermia sets in and they have to take a run to the hospital. She is given crutches but her ability to compete in more challenges is compromised.

Time for Face Off!

On to the Monument aux Pechers - a statue dedicated to fishermen, where the clue reads "It's time for a Face Off!" No, it's not that T.V. show about movie make-up. Nor is it that Nicholas Cage/John Travolta face switcheroo movie. In the Face off, the first two teams to arrive must play against each other. The winning team proceeds with the Race, while the loser must wait for the next team to arrive and play against them. This continues until only one team remains and they are given a time penalty. Kayak Hockey is the sport of choice for this round of Face Off, which was invented right here on the islands. (it's also a lot like surfboard soccer, which was invented somewhere else) Teams must score 2 goals to win the Face Off and move on. It's interesting to note that Jon does not tell us the length of the time penalty given to the last team. You can read what you want into that.

Gino & Jesse 2, Brian & Cynthia 0
Brian & Cynthia 2, Ope & Simi 0
Ope & Simi 0, Nick & Matt 2
Ope & Simi 0, Sean & Brent 2
Ope & Simi 0, Dujean & Leilani 2

Then everything falls apart with the Face Off. Simi & Ope decide to take a four hour penalty because hypothermia has set in with them as well. And there are no other teams showing up for them to compete against. Neil & Kristen - with Kristen on crutches, also take the penalty. That only leaves Nic and Sabrina and by the time they get to the Face Off, there is no one left to battle. They are allowed to move on. No time penalty. I am sure production never thought of this scenario, but it came across as if they were flying by the seat of their pants with this challenge. Just seems to me that Nic and Sabrina should have been given that penalty, after all getting there last equates to being the losers.

From here the teams head to the Detour called "Ride It or Pull It." In Ride it, teams had to emulate the sport of dressage and navigate a horse through an obstacle field. To be successful, they had to have a combined time under 8 minutes. In Pull It, teams had to roll a large bale of hay into the barn, then milk a cow (each team member had to milk one litre). Neither task is particularly difficult (unless you are suffering from hypothermia), BUT this is also the 2X U-Turn.

Farm livin' is the life for me. Or not.

And the farm chores side of the Detour is also the site of the best one-liners of the night compliments of people that apparently don't belong on farms. This scenario is actually very common in TAR and I think that's why farm tasks are always thrown into the mix. Brian and Cynthia are the first to arrive. Brian says he "has never milked a bull before, but there's a first time for everything." Well now. Truer words have never been spoken. Seems to me if you did try to milk a bull, you may not live to tell about it. Unless of course you accidentally grabbed something else and made that bull <ahem> very happy and peaceful. More funny moments from other teams. So much so, that I am just going to add a best quotes section for the whole episode at the end of this post. The only teams that chose to do the dressage were Dujean & Leilani and Neil & Kristen.

How the heck did Kristen and Ope make it up these stairs?

The U-Turn board is at Cap aux Meules. One hundred and eighty-five steps up to the top of the lookout. There are 3 reasons to U-Turn someone: To ensure you win the leg; to force someone to use their Express Pass; and to save yourself from being eliminated. Brian and Cynthia beat Gino and Jesse to the U-Turn board. They contemplate using it to slow down Gino and Jesse and guarantee a win this leg. They don't. Bzzzzz. Wrong! Gino and Jesse are next. They aren't as diplomatic, and decide to U-Turn the other brothers, Sean and Brent. They think it will force them to use that Express Pass. But Sean and Brent have no intention of using it just yet. They persevere through the dressage, but not before U-Turning Nic and Sabrina. Sean and Brent get some words of encouragement from Dujean and Leilani who have just finished the dressage. Meanwhile, Neil and Kristen rest a while. Kristen doubts her ability to use her leg muscles to guide the horse. Got to give props to Kristen here for continuing. If you have never had hypothermia, you can't possibly understand the pain and cramping which can take hours to shake off. It's horrible. And Neil was the perfect Dad here. All for his daughter, the heck with the race. Unbelievably, they make it through.

Now for the Nic and Sabrina story. In case you are wondering, they were still not finished the sandcastle when Brian and Cynthia were on their way to the Pitstop. (if we can believe the edit) Geesh.  The sun is setting when they get to the U-Turn board, and by the time they get to the dressage, it is completely dark out. They are told it is too dangerous (for the horses that is) and they must wait out a pre-determined time before they are allowed to continue to the Pitstop. AGAIN, we are not told the time frame here....damn it! So with that in mind, here is what happened at the Pitstop, located at Pointe Old Harry on Grosse-Iles:

Gino & Jesse win the leg. They get two round-trip fares anywhere in Canada that Air Canada flies. PetroCanada has upped their prize package to a full year of free gas. Nice.
Brian & Cynthia come in second, delayed by getting a bit lost on the way to the Pitstop. I am sure they regret not using that U-Turn on the guys.
Nick & Matt are third. AGAIN. The good news is they still have the best track record and the best average placement. So there's that.
Dujean & Leilani, fourth.
Brent & Sean, fifth. Great performance despite being U-Turned.

Now, about the fiasco resulting from the Face Off and those penalties.

Neil & Kristen and Ope & Simi hit the mat in 6th and 7th place respectively, but both must wait out their four hour penalties.
Nic & Sabrina hobble in. Geesh. What a mess. Jon tells them they are last, but because of the other teams' penalties, they are officially in 6th place.
That puts Neil & Kristen in 7th, and Ope & Simi in last place.

BUT

No it's not an NEL (Non-Elimination Leg). It's a KOR - a Keep On Racing. And yes, there is a difference. An NEL comes with a Speedbump penalty on the next leg. KOR doesn't, and they continue on their way with no mandatory overnight rest. These teams are going to be beat. Their only rest will be in airports and on the plane to Sudbury, Ontario. Thankfully, it will be a bit of a haul with several connections. Note to anyone who wants to apply for this show: learn to sleep wherever you can.

Go now...go to Sudbury!

And now without further ado, here are the promised quotes:

Brian & Cynthia on their way to the Face Off

"Married. No kids. But still like to boink." Brian, at Roadblock
"I've buried my daughter semi-live. Hasn't stopped her from talking." Neil, at Roadblock
"I've had dreams that end like this." Nick, at Roadblock
"My ass muscles are clenched. I could crack a coconut with these." Brian, at Roadblock
"Punch it Chewie!" Brian, on the way to the Face Off
"I've never milked a bull. There's a first time for everything." Brian, at Detour
"Kayak Hockey? It's like the leg from hell." Sean, at Face Off
"Come on, Gino. Work those nipples." Jesse, at Detour
"Come on hun. Get on that tit." Brian, at Detour
"This is like a Mini-Wheat to the Wrestlers." Sean, at Detour
"Euwww. That one's dropping patties." Sean, at Detour

JUST FYI...
I Live Tweet every week during the 9 P.M. Eastern airing of the show. So, if you see me, say "Hi!" Follow along using #AmazingRaceCanada, but following me would be better! I don't always use the hashtag! And I NEVER tweet out spoilers!

Amazing Race Canada 3: Preview of Episode 5 "The Face Off"...Questions???

Questions, questions, questions.
You've got questions. Eleven of them, to be exact!
I have the answers. Mostly. But I also have some fine opinions.

BBCan3 Episode 5 - Live Eviction & HoH Comp. "Where's a Good Meat Shield When a Girl Needs One?"

After the PoV Ceremony and Sindy is named as the replacement nominee...

Sindy decides to stop her search for a meat shield and actually start to campaign. Well, for a little bit anyways. But it's too little, too late. She's just annoyed way too many people along the way.

Naeha: I'm going to get that Graig. Britnee: Ummn, okay.

 Bruno decides to stir the pot. Actually, he decides to stir Naeha's pot. His plan? Create a rumour that Naeha is campaigning to save Sindy with an S. And who in the house can he seed this idea? Graig, of course. Graig drops this info on Britnee, who seems indifferent to this news. She's just going to sit back and let it play out. But Bruno's deceit does not fool the all seeing eye of Sindy who runs to Naeha with the news that Graig thinks she is a major threat. Now Naeha is out for Graig's blood.

The funny thing is, it's all true. Naeha did entertain the thought of keeping Sindy and voting out Britnee and Naeha IS a major threat. The result of all of this is, Graig is now target number 1 for Naeha. I am not sure Bruno thought this thing through to the end. Or did he??? Is he just making Graig his shield?

We get the obligatory showmance segment. Zach likes Ashleigh and Ashleigh likes Zach. Ho hum.

JP: "Getting some action in the BB house was my dream."

Jordan tells his buddy to chill for a bit. It's too early for a showmance. Zach is glad Jordan set him on the straight and narrow. Meanwhile, there's the Odd Three-Way: Johnny, Kevin and Pilar. Kevin cuddles with his "cuddle-buddy" Johnny, then goes off to cuddle with Pilar. Then there is the new fling. Sindy....and Jordan? What? Yep. Seems like Sindy made her play for the innocent JP, and he obliged. Three times by my count. Just kissing, no real hanky-panky. Sure, why not. But he had some explaining to do with Zach, because this happened after JP advised Zach to put his showmance with Ashleigh on hold. Fear not. JP was just getting him some. It's his DREAM to get some action in the BB house. Sindy's intentions? Who the hell knows. Last ditch strategy or was she planting some seeds for post-show romance. Ugh. I really don't think Jordan has any intention of going down that road.

Next up...April Fools' Day. All I have to say about the prank is... it wasn't a prank at all. No good would ever come from an April Fools' joke inside the Big Brother house. The broken camera issue only created hostility, mainly coming from Graig and Godfrey, who tagged teamed their accusations towards Sindy. I guess they needed some filler for the episode. And when do they let the HGs know it was all a joke? Right before the eviction vote - after everyone had already decided who to vote for. It's not that I think this prank tipped the scales against Sindy. I'm pretty sure she already sealed her fate, but it didn't make her last day easy (not that I liked her).

Sure enough, Sindy is evicted unanimously 12 to 0.

Who's the REAL winner here? I don't know.

The HoH comp is a quicky. A True-False based on the Sleepy Time video the HGs were shown three times, they had to square off two at a time. The winner of each round named the next two to answer. The first half of the match-ups were basically flip-flopping between Godfrey and Naeha. Each names the other to go up next. These two really do not like each other. Sure enough the comp ends with the one guy who swore he would not win ANY comps...Kevin. So much for the art of comp-throwing. This time, he actually won by default. Ashleigh either straight up answered incorrectly, or she threw it to Kevin.

There is one more thing to take note of here. Kevin's win was celebrated by the Chop Shop members, who are completely convinced they have Kevin in their back pocket.

Kevin is making a target of himself, again. He will have a hard week ahead of him. This is a double eviction week, and Kevin must nominate two HGs for an instant eviction. When the dust settles from that, he will either be safely ensconced on one side of the house, or the number one target of the Chop Shop.

Recap of MasterChef Canada Episode 205 "Slice of Life" OR Like a (Truffle) Virgin

And the second Mystery Box Challenge this season is....

Pizza?

Sure, you can call it artisan. Or rustic, or whatever you want. You can slap just about any topping you want on it, but in the end, it's still pizza. And although a really good pizza is a hard-to-find commodity, I'm not quite sure it's worthy of a Mystery Box Challenge. There were a few variations and the judges called up the 3 home chefs they were most impressed with:

David and his "Fun Guy" Pizza
Jennifer and her "Summer Fresh" Pizza
Cody and his "Fifth Dimension" Pizza

The judges give the win to Cody. To be honest, I think Jennifer's looked so much better. I could almost smell it. Oh well. Perhaps they gave Cody the win because they had a feeling he would do something really dumb...

Cody is given immunity from elimination and then ushered into the pantry where last season's winner Eric Chong makes a guest appearance. Cody must choose between three luxury ingredients that the other 12 home chefs must cook with: duck; lobster; or black truffles. He says David is his biggest competition and he  would have a hard time with....truffles. But Cody loves truffles and is very jealous everyone gets to cook with them. So he does the most ridiculous thing ever. Yep, he gives up his immunity and joins the others in the kitchen. Everyone is stunned by this move, but no one complains - of course.

So why did Cody do this? It's his favourite ingredient. So what? He could have saved it until the finale - if he made it to the end, that is. Did he just do it to intimidate the others or prove his self-confidence to the judges? Who knows. Whatever his reasoning, it DID NOT go exactly as he planned.

Meanwhile, Line has a meltdown because he has never seen/tasted/cooked a truffle in her life. Claudio sets her back on track by getting her to identify it's flavour. Then there is Kristen. She failed to grab a protein for her dish and starts asking the others if they have anything to spare. Everyone seemingly ignores her like a pesky mosquito buzzing around their stations. Except Jon. He gives her a steak, explaining it would not be right for her to be eliminated like that.

Kwasi, who has also never used one before, gives a great description of black truffles. He tells us the first guy to ever taste a truffle had to be very adventurous...because they look like little turds. But he's right. Have you ever wondered about some foods like that? Think about it. Snails, frogs, bird nests. At some point, some guy looked at it and said, "Yeah, I can eat that."

The judges do their thing and taste everyone's dish. Once again, we don't see the judgement of some of the home chefs. This time: Jon, Andrew, Christopher and Tammy (I could have missed a few).

This week's winners are David and Sabrina. Here's a big hint: if you are presented with a luxury

ingredient in a challenge, you better damn well make sure it's the star of the dish. Think of it this way - if someone orders a dish with the word "truffles" in the description, they shouldn't have to wonder where the truffles are.

That is why the bottom 3 found themselves in their predicament:

• Michael. He went on about the "negative space" style thing again. Quite frankly, I think the judges' patience is wearing a little thin with this. He called it a work of art. Abstract art. Michael Bonacini said, "Abstract artists have to learn to draw first." Yes there is a trend in presentation of this sort, but the food that IS on the plate IS a work of art. This wasn't.
• Kevin. He ran out of time preparing his dish, so the whole thing became rather sloppy.
• Cody. This was a typical case of sticking your foot in your mouth. His major mistake was using truffle oil, which Alvin was quick to point out, doesn't have a bit of real truffle in it.

The judges send Kevin home.

This week, I was impressed with Jennifer, David, Sabrina and Kwasi. In fact, Kwasi had the best line of the night when he declared that he had lost his truffle virginity. Sinking to the bottom of the pack are Michael, Cody and Line.

On the next episode: David and Sabrina captain their teams in a challenge at the University of Guelph, making poutine. Meanwhile Michael needs to put "some kid in his place". I don't know who the kid could be, but my best guess would be Cody. I suspect their failures this episode (both barely escaping elimination) will become an issue between them. Note: this episode is preempted again for the Juno Awards....hopefully it will air on March 22, but check your schedules.

Recap of Episode 5 The Bachelor Canada

Okay, it's no secret that The Bachelor can be, well...producer driven. It's about as close to scripted as a reality show can get while still being called Reality TV. Of course there is no script, but the handlers (read: Directors) don't need one when plot points and characterization are ingrained in their head. We usually see several of these every season. I thought the previous episode was obvious with Natalie as 'the girl who leaves' and Lisa as 'the mean girl'. But hold on folks, this episode was over the top. It's like they aren't even trying anymore. Just pack as much drama as possible into the short one hour Canadian version. Geesh.

Recap of Episode 5 "Who Designs These Torture Tests?" Amazing Race Canada

I don't know about you, but this has been an excellent season and this is only the 5th episode. If you knew what I knew about the rest of the season, you would say you ain't seen nothing yet.

Preview of Episode 5 "Who Designs These Torture Tests?" Amazing Race Canada 2

Yes, the teams head back to Canada this week, just like I told you they would. They leave the heat of Macau and must adjust to the cooler climes of Whitehorse. (This was filmed May 8 and 9) How can Mickey find his mellow in Whitehorse if it's too cold to take his pants off? Apparently Satan himself designs these challenges. That's according to Rex who we see bravely pedaling a bike during a Roadblock. I will get back to this in a minute, but first there's another big issue to be addressed in this episode. Who gets that pesky 2nd Express Pass?

Recap of Episode 4 "They're Harshing Our Mellow" Amazing Race Canada 2

In this episode we find out there is a street in Macau called Happiness Street. Most people dream of living on Happiness Street, but our brave Cannucks found nothing but stress there. But Mickey has a cure for that...

The Amazing Race Canada Recap of Episode 5 'Death by Lentils'

Challenges are ....well, challenging. That's why they are called challenges. If the teams thought the territories were tough, then they were in for a big surprise in Regina. The six remaining teams departed Whitehorse, Yukon with the following start times:

Jet and Dave 8:47 a.m.
Holly and Brett 8:51 a.m.
Hal and Joanne 9:06 a.m.
Vanessa and Celina 9:20 a.m.
Tim Sr and Tim Jr 9:22 a.m.
Jody and Cory 9:32 a.m.

The first clue told them to proceed to the S.S. Klondike (steam powered paddleboat) and search for their next clue. Jet whispers as if it's a secret, "Caution, U-Turn ahead". Oh, oh. The Routemarker here tells them to fly to Regina, Saskatchewan. Jet & Dave arrive at the boat just ahead of Holly and Brett. The guys decide to call 2 cabs, seizing an opportunity to garner a favour with the Docs. Why not? Maybe they decided to give this karma thing a try and pay it forward. Or they believe in keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.

Ladies and Gentlemen...here are the leaders.

It seems like getting from Whitehorse to Regina is no easy feat. Any way you look at it, there are going to be at  least two connections. In this case, it's either through Vancouver/Edmonton (arrive the next day in Regina 7:45 a.m.) or Vancouver/Calgary (arrive Regina 8:25 a.m.). The Docs get on the earlier flight, then tip off the guys. The favour is now repaid. Looks like the Docs don't want to carry around that baggage. The flight through Edmonton is now full. The other four teams are on the later flight through Calgary. Long, long trip.  Oh and look...Jet and Dave share a bro-nap on the plane. Reminds me of that scene from Friends when Ross and Joey are nap partners.

When they get to Calgary, Hal and Joanne manage to catch the last seat on a flight to Edmonton which will let them connect to that earlier flight. Smart. Or was it? That target on their back just doubled in size. Hal! Lay low...have you forgotten, there is a potentially game-changing U-Turn on this leg?

Once in Regina, the teams must follow the directions on a Blackberry to Saskcan Pulse Trading. I was wondering when the Blackberry sponsorship and product placement would work it's way in. They even make a big deal of the tap data transfer feature. At Saskcan they must search through huge containers of lentils and find 2 Sgt. Bullmoose toys which each hold one half of the name to the next Road Block location. Sargent Bullmoose? Like one of those tacky little souvenirs you see in highway rest stops? The kind that your kid yells, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, I want THAT one?" One moose is tagged with 'RCMP' and the other is tagged with 'Heritage Centre'. As if the stuffed moose in an R.C.M.P. uniform wasn't enough of a clue on it's own. By the way, these containers are the kind that are loaded onto trucks for shipment...they're massive. That's a lot of lentils. It's only one team per container...so in all those lentils there are only two moose clues. This isn't going to be easy. The first three teams from the first flight get to work. The weather gets hot...35 C. Real hot. Jet and Dave find both halves and head off to the Roadblock - leaving Hal & Joanne and Holly & Brett searching for their first clue. The other three teams show up. The Tims and the girls find their clues and are out of there. Holly hits her head on the container crossbar and has her emotional breakdown. She probably couldn't take Brett's pep talks anymore. Or his "Hol, Hol, Hol". Listen...I am about to have my own breakdown if I have to hear any more of that crap. After 2 1/2 hours, Holly and Brett decide to forfeit the lentils, incurring a 2 hour penalty. Hal and Joanne do the same.

Meanwhile, Jet and Dave make it to the RCMP Heritage Centre/Training Camp - "Depot" Division. Jet explains that he is salivating because it's what he does for a living. Policing that is,...not salivating. He's with the London Police Force. Ha! Ha, ha, ha. The clue reads, "Who's ready for bed?". One team member must set up a cadet's room, known as a 'pit', to the standards of the RCMP. They get to use the room next door as reference. A Sargent Major will do the inspection, but the judge for this task is the Assistant Commissioner, Roger Brown. And, FYI, this is no actor...he's the real deal. He is the Commanding Officer of the RCMP Academy, “Depot” Division. Since this show was taped, he became the 29th Commanding Officer of the RCMP in New Brunswick. And...No, I don't think the show had anything to do with it. 

Like I thought, Jet is maybe taking this task a little to lightly. He calls for inspection, "Ready for inspection, Sir". The problem is, he sounds like he's not taking this very seriously. Not good. Way, way not good. Commissioner Brown is NOT impressed. Nor is he impressed that Jet belongs to the London Police Force. He tells Jet that the London Police must not have the same standards as the RCMP. Ouch. Something tells me Jet is in for it from his cop buddies when he gets back home. Or maybe there is no love lost between municipal police and the RCMP. Celina and Tim Sr. show up after Jet has been there for 2 hours. When Celina calls for her inspection, she is admonished when she turns her head to watch the Sargent Major doing the inspection. True to form, she starts to cry. These girls can cry at the drop of a hat, I swear!!! I mean really, what the frig was she crying about this time? Brown chews her out, "In the Mounted Police, there is no crying". This guy is priceless. Jet's been there 2 1/2 hours. Brown is not going to let him go easy. The Docs and Hal & Joanne show up. After Brett and Joanne head off to do the challenge, Holly and Hal explain to Dave, Tim Jr and Vanessa that they never found the previous clue and have a time penalty. Wrong. Soooo wrong. Dave, Tim Jr. and Vanessa are fighting back their joy over hearing this news. Big mistake on Hal's part too. Hal should NEVER have let Holly know he and Joanne had a two hour penalty as well. It gave them something to continue racing for. Jody and Cory finally get the clue at the lentils. They ain't going to give up.

Jet finally gets the approval of Commissioner Brown, and gets the next clue. From here, the teams must go to City Hall and and the I 'heart' Regina sign, to learn a few dance steps from a troupe of Ukrainian dancers. Easy enough. The clue here leads the teams to Mosaic Stadium, the home of the Regina Roughriders. And a shitload of trouble. But I'll get to that later. Jody and Cory show up at the RCMP, and as expected, Jody chooses to do the challenge. Joanne and Brett get their pits approved. Hal explains they MUST U-Turn the Docs. Tim gets his pit approved. Celina is approved, then tells Vanessa "It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life". Oh dear God. Yeah I know how she feels. I remember having to clean up my daughter's room when she was three. Now that was hell, I tell you.

Cory is now waiting alone while his brother does the challenge. Even though Jody hasn't been inspected since the '90s, he completes his pit in 15 minutes. Of course he does. He calls for his inspection. Commissioner Brown asks Jody what his history is...he can easily see this guy has some experience. Brown thanks him for his service. Jody thanks Brown for his service. Classy. I think I am going to cry. Of course Jody's pit is perfect, on the first try.

And now for the big field of trouble. The Detour/Double U-turn mess. The Detour is a choice between 'Beauty' or 'Brawn'. In Beauty, the teams must learn a choreographed cheer leading routine made up of dance moves, cartwheels and lifts. In Brawn, they must do a series of football drills (speed, agility and strength); catch a pass; then kick a field goal. If they fail on any part, they must run a lap before starting all over again. When they are finished, they are directed up to the luxury boxes where the U-Turn board is hidden. Here's how it played out:

Jet and Dave - Brawn. They complete the Detour on their 2nd attempt. They choose not to U-Turn anyone. No point. They only want to get to the mat first. No one else has even showed up at the stadium yet. Well played.
Tim and Tim - Brawn. They too get it done on their 2nd attempt. They U-Turn Hal and Joanne, because they say, "It's strategically smart". Debatable. One thing is obvious...since the Tims know Hal and Joanne have a 2 hour penalty and are not a threat in this leg, their intention is clear...they want BodyBreak out of the game.
Hal and Joanne - Brawn. They take 6 attempts. They beat the Docs up to the board, see their pic and U-Turn Holly and Brett. They go back to do the Beauty challenge. They are totally exhausted and don't do well.
Holly and Brett - Beauty. They take 6 attempts. Holly has another episode over getting U-Turned and being exhausted. They go back to do the Brawn. Holly catches the pass and Brett kicks the field goal. Go figure. They finish before Hal and Joanne.
Vanessa and Celina - Beauty. It takes them 3 attempts. I think they were just having fun and not too concerned about being U-Turned. They also knew that two other teams had 2 hour penalties. So there was no rush.
Jody and Cory - Brawn. First attempt.

The pit stop is on Pine Island at Wascana Park. Here's how they finished:

1st: Jet and Dave. They win two return tickets anywhere in Canada. They totally dominated this leg of the race. But with great victory, comes great responsibility. They are now the proud owners of great big targets.
2nd: Tim and Tim. Hmmn. Looks like they got their mojo back and are ready to fight.
3rd: Vanessa and Celina. They pretty much flew under the radar this episode. This kept other teams off their backs and they avoided being U-Turned. They are consistent though...consistently in the middle of the pack. But...that pack is dwindling. Please. Enough with the whine and cry! 
4th: Jody and Cory. Slow and steady can win this game. They have the strength and endurance, but their game also depends on luck. And their luck has been bad lately. Maybe they just haven't found their groove yet.
5th: Holly and Brett. They arrived third, and ahead of Hal and Joanne, but that 2 hour penalty put them 5th. Their biggest mistake so far has been under-estimating their physical strength and relying on mental challenges. But...this leg exhausted them, and their future in this game depends on whether or not they can recharge.
6th: Hal and Joanne. They actually arrived fourth, just behind the Docs. But their fate was sealed. Eliminated.

Check back on Friday for my Preview + Spoilers for Episode 6. Five teams go into Quebec City...but how many teams leave? 

The Amazing Race Canada Preview of Episode 5 'Death by Lentils' + Spoilers

Six teams now remain. Will there be another elimination this week, and if so, who will it be? Continue reading to find out.

The teams fly from Whitehorse, Yukon to Regina, Saskatchewan. Quite a long trip, with 2 connecting flights. Once in Regina, they will be in for a very tough leg. They must make their way to Saskcan, a grain plant just outside of Regina. Teams must dig through bins of lentils to find a Route Marker clue. Sounds easy enough, right? Holly has a meltdown after banging her head on the bin's crossbar. Something about her not being able to take this shit anymore. Well, it was some sort of psychological episode - I don't know about that kind of stuff. You would have to ask a doctor. Oh wait. Ask Holly and Brett! Did you know they are doctors?

Jet: "Ready for my inspection, sir!"

The clue they find here gets them runnin' back to...Regina. Sorry Saskatoon. It directs them to a Roadblock at the R.C.M.P. Heritage Centre. One person from each team must attend an R.C.M.P. Boot Camp. The inspector puts them through their paces. He's a formidable looking man, dressed to perfection in that incredible red uniform and carrying a horse whip. They must dress in cadet uniforms, and are then given inspections. There is a quick shot of their lockers getting rifled through...clothes and belongings getting the heave-ho. Jet seems to take it in stride - probably because he is a cop, and he's been there, done that. It should be easy for him, as long as he keeps it together and doesn't have too much fun with it. Besides, how can anyone intimidate a guy with muscles like that? I mean really. Hopefully Jody will do this one....he would have the discipline for it that's for sure. Brett will probably do this one, but I can see him trying to pawn it off again on Holly. I expect to see Joanne doing this, just because it's her turn for a Road Block. Tim Sr. seems a bit put off when he gets chewed out. Celina is reduced to tears or at least reduced to wet eye. Why? Maybe she broke a nail or didn't have hospital corners on her bedsheets or something, who knows. The inspector tells Celina, "In the Mounted Police, we don't cry". Ouch.

There's a Detour at the Saskatchewan Roughriders' Mosaic Stadium. It's a choice between learning a cheerleading
routine OR a series of football training exercises: kicking a field goal; tire obstacles; blah, blah blah.  Hmmn, that's easy, right? Ah...nope. It's going to be a son of a bitch. Jody and Cory do very well at the football portion. That's pretty much a given if you've ever seen their audition video. You can bet on Vanessa and Celina getting overly excited about the cheerleading, just because it sounds easier. It won't be. Jet and Dave could probably do either task, seeing as how Dave is a champion cheerleader. Hal & Joanne and the Tims also do football. As for Holly and Brett, there is no getting around their strategy of picking mental challenges before physical ones here - so they pick football. I suspect some teams will whine, some will cry, and there will be a lot of "Holl...Holl...Holl" and "Go, go, go" from Brett.

Double U-Turn: It's how you spell 'revenge'

Another thing to expect here is a 'Double U-Turn'. What, you ask, is that? Well a U-Turn occurs after teams finish one portion of a Detour. The first team to finish their Detour task is given an opportunity to force one of the other teams to go back and complete the other task in the Detour. If they don't U-Turn another team, it can be offered to the next team, and so on. 'Double" simply means that there are two U-Turns being offered. If a team is U-Turned, their picture is displayed on the board, along with a picture of the team that screwed them over. So basically, you have to really hate another team, consider them a huge threat, or feel like you may be eliminated. Unless it's a Double Secret U-Turn (not to be confused with a double secret probation like in Animal House). The secrecy part of it means you can just screw over any team you want. The U-Turn Board is located in the upper level of the stadium.

I think it's safe to say that at least one team will get U-Turned here, if not two. There has been enough resentment and dirty tricks for several of the teams to have big targets on their backs. It will be a test to see just how polite Canadians really are - will any of them say they're sorry? There was a nice shot in the preview at the end of last week's episode of Hal & Joanne trying to beat Holly & Brett up to the U-Turn board. Looks like it's going to get a bit dirty.

There is another task in front of Regina City Hall involving Ukrainian dancers. Probably another Roadblock with teams having to learn a few dance moves.

The Pit Stop for this leg is at Wascana Lake in the middle of Regina. There better be a frigging Mountie standing next to Jon on that mat. How Canadian would that be? If for no other reason than me being able to call them 'Monty and the Mountie'. And one thing is for sure, Monty needs to have that pitcher of beer, these teams are going to need it at the end of this leg.

As for the eliminated team, ...are you ready for this? You may want to sit down.

Yep, I am afraid that it's the end of the road for fan favs Hal and Joanne. They had a pretty damn good run. I am sure a lot of people are going to be calling it karma for taking advantage of Cory's mistake at the charter sign up in the last episode. Or for daring to say unkind things about Vanessa and Celina's eyelashes. Nope! Despite all those years of BodyBreakin', I'm sad to say the Detour will do them in. They may have even been U-Turned. And you know what their last words to Jon will be, don't you? Keep fit and have fun!

Who's That Letter From?

Last night, at the end of Episode 5, there was a new preview for the rest of the season, and in it we see Sean at the Final Rose Ceremony. Chris Harrison gives him a letter. Then there is a shot of Sean getting all teary eyed. So...who is it from and what does it say? Lets run down the possibilities.

• Reality Steve. Oh God, wouldn't that be great!!! He wrote Sean a letter to apologize for spoiling his season, and complaining about ABC suing his ass. Or maybe Steve is thanking Sean for being his informant. "Sean,...Thanks for all the updates! It really made my life easier this season. Sorry the whole world knows you proposed to Catherine. And remember, if Fleiss asks, you never met me. Best wishes with Catherine, Steve." Just kidding.
• Emily Maynard. Is she wishing Sean well? Is this another chance of her extending her 15 minutes? Doubtful. If she were to have written it, I don't think it would have been given to him at the FRC.
• Tierra LiCausi. Oh God let's hope not. Is this a campaign for her being the next Bachelorette. Don't worry, she won't be. Is Tierra turning into a little stalker? Maybe. But last night, when the losing team was invited to the party, and Thunder Thighs was getting her knickers in a knot, she was writing in a notebook. Oh I am sure ABC wants us to believe it's from her. Just to stir up the pot.
• Kacie Boguskie. Is this another token of their "friendship"? Ah, No.
• Desiree Hartsock. Only if ABC is thinking of Des as the next Bachelorette.
• Lindsay Yenter. Could be. Chris gives Lindsay's love letter to Sean just before he gives her the big kiss off. It's certainly in keeping with the producers' not giving a crap about the contestants, embarrassing the hell out of them. or is it part of a scheme to promote Lindsay as the next Bachelorette? Hmmn.
• Sean's sister Shay. Another possibility. We know Shay will show up in St. Croix. Is this a letter from her wishing him luck? There is a strong possibility here. Sean has been promoted all season as "the family-oriented bachelor", so it could be a letter from Shay and his family.
• Catherine Guidici. Since ABC has been playing the edit game with Catherine and Sean and not showing their interaction, maybe this is their way of increasing our interest in their "journey". Don't forget, since ABC haven't shown us much of Catherine, there won't be much of the montage they show after the proposal. So they need some other way to review their "journey".

So, my money would be on the letter being from Catherine. But then again, maybe Lindsay. Or Shay. Or Steve.

Recap of Episode 5: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble, Fire Burn and Cauldren Bubble.

For the first time this season, we are not treated to shots of Sean in the bathroom without his shirt. Instead we get Chris Harrison opening the show. Ugh! He comes in to talk to the girls and demonstrate his remarkable ability to count women. "There's 11 of you now". Gee thanks Chris. Glad you cleared that one up. I was a bit confused. He also tells them they have 1 hour to pack their bags and get to the airport, because they're going on a worldwide tour. What...is this The Amazing Race now? The first stop is Montana, yee haw! Worldwide tour? Really? Since when is Montana, Alberta, St. Croix and Thailand a worldwide tour?

The Bachelor Canada Recap of Week 5: The Hometown Dates

So Brad starts the episode off with the standard review of each of the girls. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, Brad, they're all nice girls, you have fun with each of them, you can see yourself with all four, and you're sure you're going to be spending the rest of you're life with one of them.

The Bachelor Canada Preview of Episode 5 The Hometown Dates. What Can We Expect?

Well, well, well. Bachelor Brad has narrowed the field of potential ex-fiances down to a lucky four and the Hometown Dates are already here. It's also Halloween. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

The Bachelor Canada Final Four...Who's the Winner?

Well this Wednesday is ...Halloween, yes, but it's also the hometown dates for Brad and his final four: Whitney; Gabrielle; Kara; and Bianka.