Monday, 20 June 2016

The Amazing Race Canada - Welcome to Crapfest '16

*No spoilers here, unless of course you're including the official cast announcement for the new season.

Now in its fourth season, The Amazing Race Canada has become a summertime tradition. Oh how we love to watch our favourite teams race around Canada and venture out of the country for a few legs. This year's cast was just announced last week, and right along with it came what now has become another tradition - the Annual Amazing Race Canada Crapfest.
Wait. You say you've never been? Oh well then, let me explain. It's the annual festival that draws bitchers from across the country to some small town only accessible through social media. They start coming out of every nook and cranny a few days before the cast is announced.

These bitchers seem to show up, compare notes, and complain, complain, complain. I have one reply. It's a TV show. Get over it.

Yes, I know I am complaining about the complainers. Oh, the irony of it all. But after three seasons, I really feel the need to voice my opinions. This is after all, my blog, my rules, my rant. You see, I used
Jon Montgomery and Jim Parks, Pitstop at Juno Beach, Season 2.
to frequent the show's Facebook page - where the majority of these people seem to rear their puny little heads, and try to explain how ridiculous they are. There are some brave fans who continue with their good work and reply to these idiots. Not me. I try not to go there anymore. Not since one particularly imbecilic person bitched about the teams in season 2 leaving the country and going to Normandy. NORMANDY! I'm telling you, if this person appeared on the show, "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?", the answer would be a definite and resounding, NO. Normandy for God sakes. Are you fricking kidding me? Of all the places in the world to complain about, this idiot had to complain about Normandy. Pick up a book and read stuff, Honey.

The reason why this one incident upset me so, is this. That Juno Beach episode was the high-mark of the season and remains the best in the entire run of the show. There wasn't a dry eye left after that pitstop. Every team cried. Every fan cried. I still cry whenever I watch it. It was probably the most CANADIAN thing I have ever seen on television, and I have lived through some pretty monumental hockey games, I'll have you know.

Oh but the agony doesn't stop there. Let's take a closer look, shall we?

Here's one that has a few variables. "No team from Saskatchewan? AGAIN?" You can substitute a few provinces for Saskatchewan.

Okay, I have to admit I kind of understand the frustration of some fans here. But there are other aspects of this that they should know. The casting directors and producers HAVE attempted to cast from all areas within Canada. The problem is they do not base their decisions only by regions. It's by personality. It's based on how teams will come across on television and how they will interact with other teams. Sure, you may think that Debbie and Joe down the street are "the best peeps ever!" because they work hard, play harder and have the best god damn BBQs in Canada, but the truth is their on-screen presence probably sucks to high heaven. The main point is the casting process is a highly complex procedure. I know I wouldn't want to be the one responsible for making cuts from a very long list of potential teams who all offer something new and exciting for us fans. The worst complainers are those that truly believe in their silly, wee minds that each province or territory should be represented by a team. That's not what this show is about. But if that's what you want to see, I think there might be something called... ummn. What is that called? Oh, you know, that thing ... with a stick and a black rubber disk? Oh yeah. HOCKEY.

"I hope it's more Canadian this year!"

What the frack? Did you even watch last season? Here, let me remind you...

I almost peed myself when I read this one. I have to wonder if these people are even aware of the fact that there are a lot of flag-waving, maple syrup slurpers out there who think it's a little bit too Canadian. That maybe they need to get oot and aboot a wee bit more. After all, the entire concept is based on the "AMAZING" part. Putting teams of two in new and unusual locales that are totally out of their comfort zone, and make them perform tasks they are not familiar with.

Yes, our Canadian franchise of the race is a completely different animal from the original in that
country to the south that is currently getting flushed down Trump's gold-plated toilet. That's not the point. The point is to take people out of their comfort zone. And things are pretty comfy cozy in Canada, where the most uncomfortable thing ever is trying to order a double-double in Quebec. And that brings up another point. Sooner rather than later, and as incredible as this country is, we are going to run out of truly amazing places in Canada. And I don't want to see a season 10 with a Roadblock that consists of serving drive-thru customers at Tim Horton's in Ajax. Do you? Don't think that will happen? Let me remind you of the Dairy Queen task in New Brunswick, the Booster Juice in Halifax, or the Waste Management Plant in Edmonton. Those tasks were all IN CANADA, and were all heavily criticized by fans, including me. Although I have to admit my criticism consisted mostly of throwing a few gifs around.

And that brings up another point. What will season 5 bring? You patriotic types out there know what next year is, right? No? You mean you go around demanding the show stays in Canada, because it's our version, but you're not aware of the significance of 2017? Hint: 150. Yep, it's our sesquicentennial. Canada will be 150 years old. Which way will the show go? Stay completely in Canada? Celebrate our roots and multiculturalism with a few international legs?

Start defining CANADIAN not with where we are, but WHO we are.

You know. Like Jim Parks  when he stormed Juno Beach in 1944.

Oh, here's an oldie but a goldie. It's the ever popular complaint, "More celebrities? Why can't they give real people a chance?"

Oh shit, you mean Ryan Reynolds teamed up with Ryan Gosling this year? Why didn't someone tell me? Go #TeamRyans Go! ...Come on people. Once again, this is a TV show. They are going to cast a few familiar faces to draw in more viewership. And one or two teams in a cast of 9 to 12 teams leaves more than a little wiggle room for the "real people". I also think these complainers need to define the "celebrity" bit. Hence the jab at Team Ryans above. Yes, there is a growing list of teams whose faces are familiar: Hal Johnson & Joanne MacLeod; Rex Harrington; Vanessa Morgan; Natalie Spooner & Meaghan Mikkelson; Elias Theodorou. This year we have Ashley Callingbull, Jillian McLaughlin and Emmett Blois. But we aren't talking Hollywood A-Listers here. And even if some of these people should be recognized by all Canadians, they aren't. I doubt if some of these buffoons would have recognized Rex Harrington if they bumped into him on the street before they saw him on the show. Something tells me, no.

And what's up with this "real people" crap? I remember the complaints directed at Nat and players who make too much money and shouldn't be on. Right. Women's hockey is a friggin goldmine. And these people sure didn't complain when Nat and Meg won an Olympic gold medal for them. Now we have a teacher and a dairy farmer from Nova Scotia who apparently aren't real people either. FYI, that would be Jillian and Emmett. Now, I can guarantee these two will race their asses off and perform tasks in a way that we regular humans can't comprehend, but I wish people would stop using the term "real people". What are they? Cyborgs? Aliens on earth? Trump supporters?

Thank you for visiting Crapfest 2016. I hope you enjoyed yourself.

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