Monday, 22 October 2012

The Bachelor Canada Recap of Week 3: "You're a Virgin?" OR "I'd Rather be Golfing"

Week 3 starts with Tyler announcing there will be 3 dates this week: one 6-on-1 date; one 5-on-1 date; and one 1-on-1 date. In other words, 6 + 5 + 1 = 12. And there are 12 girls remaining. So it looks like everyone will be getting a date with Brad, right?
Well, apparently Nicole doesn't understand simple addition. She starts to complain that she is the only girl in the house who hasn't been on a date yet, and wonders if she is going to get one this week. 

Tyler leaves a present for the lucky girl who gets the 1-on-1, and the date card reads: "Here's a little something to help you saddle up, I'll be down to wrangle you shortly". Kara gets this date, along with a denim cowboy shirt and a pair of cowboy boots. Wow, I wonder what they'll be doing? Well, the next commercial break lets us know that tonight's episode of "The Bachelor Canada" is brought to us by Travel Alberta. Sure enough, a helicopter arrives and drops them on a cattle ranch in southwest Alberta. Both Brad and Kara admit to never even being near a horse before. Are we supposed to believe that this rancher is going to trust his herd to these two? I wonder how many cowhands were off camera doing the real wrangling? Then, what every girl wants most - a dinner in the barn. Well at least Brad gives her a rose.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Nicole is still complaining as the second date card arrives. The clue reads: "Lets give more of ourselves and make others smile, Where the days are hot, and the nights are wild". Great rhyming. Anyway, it's the 5-on-1 and the lucky girls are: Ana; Bianka; Britney; Gabrielle; and Tia. Oh oh Nicole, STILL no date for you! And Whitney is shocked, shocked I tell you, that her name isn't on the date card. She says she "really needs to see him". The girls are whisked off to Riviera Nayarit, Mexico, where they are supposed to help underprivileged kids. Apparently these kids were in desperate need of playing soccer with 20-something white Canadian women. Really? After the obligatory 30 minutes of playing with the kids, Brad and the girls head off to The Grand Luxxe Resort, where they get to swim and drink. They also get some much needed bitch-time - because this episode was starting to get boring. Brad takes his shirt off. The girls make a big deal of it. Gabrielle complains that Bianka isn't in it for the right reasons. Bianka confronts Gabrielle. Gabrielle calls Bianka a liar. Exciting stuff. But wait. Brad has to send 4 of these girls back to the mansion, and choose one for an extra date the next day. He picks Bianka because she gave him the biggest sob story. You know...the one where her heart was broken by a pro athlete (Kris Humphries) who left her to guest star as Kim Kardashian's husband. The camera zooms in on her butt as she thanks Brad. Brad and Bianka spend the next day on a 52 ft. yacht. They bond. They swim. That's it.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Nicole is still complaining as the 3rd date card arrives. Nicole gets to read the card : "Let the games begin, I can hardly wait. So sharpen your skills, for a competitive date". The girls chosen by the producers, I mean Brad, to go on the 6-on-1 date are Nicole, Whitney, Laura B, Michelle B, Sophie and Chantelle. Poor Nicole - your first date with Brad is the 6-on-1 date. And it's a competitive date at that. Must suck to be you. It's "Lumberjack Mania" and 2 teams are formed. On the blue team are Sophie, Laura and Chantelle. The pink team consists of Whitney, Nicole and Michelle. The first event is pole climbing and Laura beats Michelle to the top. Not very sexy. Or feminine. Very awkward in fact. The next event is jousting on a board suspended over a pool of water. Shouldn't that be a log? Anyway its Sophie (blue team) vs. Whitney (pink team), and they have to knock the other girl off using a stick that looks like a giant Q-tip wrapped in duct tape. Sophie goes for a dive...or maybe she took a dive. You know, so that the game can be tied at 1-1. Then its cross-cut sawing and it's Chantelle and Laura against Nicole and Michelle. It's a nail-biter but the blue team wins extra time with Brad while Whitney, Michelle and Nicole have to go back to the mansion. Poor Nicole. Your first date with Brad and you lost. Gotta say, your chances of getting a rose at the next ceremony aren't looking very good.

The extra time with Brad turns out to be mostly about Chantelle getting up the nerve to tell Brad that she is a virgin. As if Brad couldn't figure that one out by himself. Let's see. She is a Christian. Check. She just graduated from Pastor school. Check. She looks 10 years older than her age. Check. PLUS she has a laugh that would make most mens' testicles shrivel to the size of a raisin. Check. She gets up her nerve and interrupts Brad and Laura. She bails. While Sophie is talking to Brad, Chantelle has a chat with Laura who tells her to go for it. I'm sure Laura thought that would be a suicide move. So Chantelle tries again and interrupts Sophie. Finally she spits it out followed by that damn giggle. The look on Brad's face was hysterical. Priceless. You could just see that his inner voice was saying, "You're a virgin? What?" He cuts the conversation short and leads her back to the other girls. He wanted out of there. Brad tells her that he is so glad to have people like her here. "People like you make this way easier for me". How romantic. Of course this translates to "I think we should just be friends". Somehow I don't think she will be around for the final rose ceremony. Maybe sooner. We can only hope.

Next scene: Brad before the Rose Ceremony. He looks pensively out over the golf course on Bear Mountain. His voice-over saying that he's made a serious decision. Of course the producers realized that to get that perfect, serious shot of a man considering his decision, that he should be overlooking the golf course. What he was actually saying was "My God, what have I gotten myself into? I wish I was golfing". The ladies are gathered waiting for the cocktail party and some alone time with Brad. In comes Tyler, looking very serious...

 "Ladies. Brad is frustrated (translation: he would rather be golfing). He feels he hasn't had enough time to get to know you on a deeper level (because he thinks about golfing a lot). He's had to make a difficult decision. This is hard for him. I can assure you Brad wants to be honest and true to himself but Brad also wants to be honest and true to you ladies. He feels he owes that to you. That's why he has decided that tonight, instead of sending two of you home, he will be sending 4 of you home. He doesn't feel it's necessary to have a cocktail party tonight (because he is out golfing)."

Everyone is shocked. And scared. And worried that their 15 minutes of fame is about to be cut short. Nicole has got to know she is going home, after that crapfest of a date. Even Whitney is shaking in her push-up bra. Kara already has a rose. Brad gives out roses to: Chantelle; Gabrielle; Britney; Ana; Bianka; Laura; and Whitney. It's goodbye to Michelle, Tia, Sophie and finally Nicole, and they take their walks of shame. Oh yeah, here's where the Canadian version differs from the original series: there are no parting comments from the departees in the limo ride out of there. That's where the cast-offs burst into tears, and say the most ridiculous things, like "I thought Brad and I were really in love" or "How could he do this to me" or "This was my last chance at love. Nobody wants me". I kind of miss that. oh well. I guess the cast-offs all get dumped in the same limo. Of course we don't even see a limo...could be a van for all I know.

Next week: looks like Brad brings a brunette to Paris...Laura? Another goes rappelling...looks like either Britney or Ana. Whitney pulls a "Courtney Robertson" and goes to Brad's room behind the other girls' back. And apparently, Brad is sending 4 more home and he has another change of heart at the rose ceremony. Oh the drama!     

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