Monday, 13 October 2014

Recap of The Bachelor Canada 2 Episode 4: The Cabana Tour '14 Part 2.

Yes, the Tim Warmels Cabana Tour '14 continues this week with Tim and the girls heading off to the Bahamas. There are only 8 girls left, so maybe production can afford to get them a few rooms before they die from exposure, heat-exhaustion or melanoma.

Just to recap these 8 girls:

Hot April: I called her this only to distinguish her from the less-than-hot April Borgnetta the Stripper, sorry I mean Burlesque performer. The stripper is gone now, but you can tell Tim has the hots for Hot April.

Dominique Who?: I really don't know who this is. She never talks, not even to Tim. She's just skating by with the silent and sexy routine with Tim. So far it's working. They must have great alone time that we aren't seeing.

Krazy Kaylynn: I call her this because...crazy. That's definitely the edit she is getting, and I am just going to go along with it. She is comparable to Whitney Lee, one of Brad Smith's final two girls who was also made to look unstable on the show. Two things you should know. Contestants are given a psych exam to see if they can handle the environment they are about to be dropped into - which I am sure, also becomes a nice little guideline for production to see who they can fill in which "role". Kaylynn obviously scored the crazy spot. The second thing is, contestants must sign a release allowing production to portray them ANY WAY THEY WANT.

Lisa the Bitch: I am sorry if that word offends you, but once again, it's the edit she is getting. She's probably the nicest girl there. If she is, then I apologize. Then again, read your contracts, girls!!!

Natalie the Desperate Schoolmarm: She started out fine on night one. She gave Tim a French greeting (a kiss on each cheek), because she is an Elementary School French Teacher. It's gone downhill since then. She is now coming off as needy, overly ready to settle down or maybe it's just her baby-clock going off. Now it's getting awkward with Tim.

Rilegh Who: Another one we don't really know anything about...except she is the philosophy student who told Tim to cut the shit. Tim seems to be keeping her around for some reason we don't know about.

Sachelle the Seashell: Sachelle gave Tim a seashell to remember her name. She scored alone time with Tim in Los Cabos that ended up being in maybe she is too young and inexperienced for our man Timbits.

Trisha the Beauty Queen: Normally, I would dismiss, put down or utterly disgrace anyone who would claim a Beauty Queen title. She is also the only blonde but like they say, I'm pretty sure the drapes don't match the carpet. I like her. She's got spunk. Not sure how Tim feels about her, so we will have to wait to see.

Now on to Episode 4. Tim lands in the Bahamas with his pants already rolled up to his knees so he can get that important walking on the beach and contemplating his odyssey pic. The girls get a room at the Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort. They seem more excited about this than the prospect of getting a date with Tim.

The first Date card reads, "Let's explore paradise. We'll go our own way." Translation: This is the cheapo, walk around town date. Natalie gets this one. Now before I go on, this type of date is all talk. There is no activity involved which is handy to inspire conversation or bonding. So it can become awkward. This one did, and real quick too. Even before the date, Tim says in his ITM that his last alone time with Natalie was more like a job interview. Remember...Natalie stressed she drove a Camaro? Yeah, that one. Now they talk about their hotel rooms, the brightly painted buildings in town and conk shells. She thinks the date's going great when Tim brings her down to the beach to tell her that although there is a rose, he isn't going to give it to her. He doesn't want her to leave, but he just can't give her a rose. Right. She's upset, and tells Tim she is leaving. She goes back to the hotel.

While the date from hell is going on, Lisa is busy bad-mouthing Natalie. "She's batshit cray." Can't this girl come up with some new lines? Maybe learn a few more adverbs or something? April finally realizes Lisa was cast as the mean girl. The others try to defend Natalie. Lisa's on another rant when Natalie comes in, cries and tells the herd she is going home. Lo and behold, Lisa is the first to jump up and console poor Natalie. Trish can't believe her eyes, and mouths "what the fuck?" Trish says in her ITM, "WTF man, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde. She's a wirey, fiery devil and I don't trust her." Even Krazy Kaylynn says, "If you're going to talk smack about someone, at least stick to you're story." Wow. Can it be Kaylynn's right about something?

The second date card reads, "Don't be afraid to show me some skin." It's a group date for Kaylynn, April, Lisa, Dominique and Sachelle. Trish puts two and two together and realizes the only two without dates are her and Rilegh, and that can only mean one thing. The nasty 2-on-1 elimination date is theirs. The girls on the group date are given new bathing suits for the occasion, so they think it will be a beach fashion show kind of date. It's not. Tim meets them to tell them they are going on a boat to look at fish or maybe some turtles. Suddenly everyone is very excited about turtles. While the girls are hanging over the railing trying to find turtles, the sharks show up right on cue. Kaylynn freaks out the most and needs some Tim-love. They all take their required swim with Tim and the sharks, but get out just as quick. All except April who is left to swim alone with Tim. Tim thinks this could be their life together.

They have an after party in a cabana that makes the one in Los Cabos look like a shithole.
Kaylynn & Dominique realize there's been some double dipping going on.
Tim asks Dominique if they can talk and the two find a nice secluded spot. Dominique doesn't want to get bogged down in a Natalie-type awkward conversation. Nope. She's not going to let that happen. She tells Tim they have their entire lives to talk, and there are better ways to get to know each other. Smart move. Just as they come up for air, Kaylynn shows up and asks if she can have a turn. They start kissing. April interrupts this. Kaylynn and Dominique compare notes and discover they both kissed Tim. They find this disturbing, and Kaylynn feels like she may as well have just skipped the middle man and kissed Dominique. Just kidding.

Meanwhile back at the hotel, the 3rd date card arrives. "Let's escape into the blue and find our own private paradise." It is the dreaded 2-on-1 date, just as Trish suspected. Two girls go on a date, but only one comes back. It was a quickie. Rilegh talked philosophy. Trish explained to Tim she was previously engaged...for eight years...but broke it off because something just wasn't right. Somehow, Tim finds this admirable and gives the rose to Trish. He lifts Rilegh onto the boat and says goodbye. That was it. Tim and Trtish frolic in the ocean and have a nice dinner for two.

Tim has four more roses to hand out at the Rose ceremony. The first three go to Sachelle, Lisa and April. When he is down to the last rose, he hesitates, puts it down then excuses himself for a second. Seems he can't decide between Kaylynn and Dominique. He brings back another rose of course and all of the six girls get to stay. The whole thing came off as orchestrated because two girls already left this week. What the hell else were they going to do?

Next time, now on it's new night (Tuesday):

  • Tim wants to show the girls his home turf...Toronto.
  • Kaylynn has another breakdown, over what who the hell knows.
  • There is a date at Canada's Wonderland.
  • Natalie returns for another try, which really agitates the herd.