Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Recap of Episode 7: Alien Eyebrow Syndrome

Geez,...this really was "The Tierra Show", wasn't it?

No introduction from Chris Harrison this week - guess he had better things to do. Instead there is a seaplane ride over the island and the girls to to the Buccaneer Hotel. Tierra is unhappy with the sleeping arrangements and immediately sets a cot up in the living room. Probably so she can be the first to jump on Sean whenever he shows up. 

The first 1-on-1 date card arrives. "AshLee, let's get carried away". Tierra's response is "the cougar's back in town". Now considering that Sean is the same age as AshLee, does this make any sense whatsoever? My husband, who is watching the show voluntarily tonight said, "she's an idiot". By the way, he is only watching it to see Thunder Thighs get her ass kicked out tonight. He wanted me to make that perfectly clear.

AshLee makes sure to let us know several times over that she is already in love with Sean. "This is my future husband". They go for a ride on a catamaran and the first thing they talk about? Well Tierra of course! Yeah AshLee, that's what future husbands do - ask you about other women. Of course, AshLee speaks her mind and Sean believes her. Oh but that not all, AshLee has what she believes is a bombshell to drop on Sean. After a lot of hemming and hawing, she tells him she was married in her teens, because she couldn't live with her mom anymore. Wait...didn't she go on and on about being and orphan and how she was adopted by a loving family...she was in tears about it! Seems like AshLee can put her own little spin on her past.

The second date card is "Tierra, let's explore our love in the streets of St. Croix". But poor Thunder Thighs isn't happy about her first 1-on-1 date with her future husband. She wanted an ocean date like AshLee. Waaah! Walking around the town? Yuck. There will be bugs. It's gonna be sweaty. My makeup will run! She meets him at the dock, which must have been a piss off since she wanted to go on a boat. Perhaps the producers were trying to make her cranky. Ya think?

But Thunder Thighs is a real trooper. She sets her face to perky and they go into town to shop for cheap tourist souvenirs. She's all excited. "He bought me the most incredible things". "I like to shop. He knew just where to take me". Yeah Tierra, he knew to take you to the Virgin Island's equivalent of the Dollar Store. A cheap date for a cheap girl. They dance in the streets and Thunder Thighs makes sure to do the boob bounce dance. Sean sits her down to ask her about what AshLee said. Jesus H. Christ Sean, are you trying to set off the thing that came from the lake or what? Can't you just keep your mouth shut? Now Thunder Thighs is very suspicious. She knows someone tipped off Sean. "Someone had the nerve to throw me under the bus!" So Tierra decides to do some damage control and whispers in Sean's ear...just loud enough for the crew to supply subtitles..."I'm falling in love with you". Then she says, "I want you to take that home with you for your consideration". Oh my, whatever can you mean by that, Tierra?

The third date card is for the group date. "Catherine, Desiree, Lindsay - Love is on the horizon". Sean decides to wake the girls up at 4:42 am. And how does he do this? Well...he goes into the suite wielding a flashlight. He seems quite at ease being a creeper. He looks at Thunder Thighs on the cot, who covers her head with the blanket. Ooooh scary stuff right kids? He wakes up the 3 girls. "I know women don't like to be seen without their makeup in the morning...they looked good". Wow Sean you're a real ladies' man!!! They jump in a jeep and go on a road trip. First stop is Port Udall to see the sunrise. Then we are shown a map that traces their stops. What? No little animated car to illustrate the journey. I was half expecting someone to compare love to a road trip. They stop at places called "Cafe", "Sugar Mill" and "Treehouse". I tried looking for these towns, but they weren't on the map I was looking at. I am starting to suspect this show is full of crap. Finally they go to "Sandy Point" to see the sunset. Here, Catherine tells Sean that he won't be meeting her father. He suffers from depression and he attempted suicide in front of her and her sisters. They don't get to see the sunset, cos it's all overcast. Later, Sean gives a rose to Lindsay.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel, Thunder Thighs is starting to put two and two together. She knows, oh yes, she knows it was that B AshLee that bad-mouthed her to Sean. She's a smart one, that Tierra. And this realization is starting to brew deep down inside her...and then brew some more. But for now, she's going to sit on that information, until the time is right.

The last date is a 1-on-1 with Lesley. "I hope our love stands the test of time". I doubt it with this shows history. And despite all the kissing between Lesley and Sean, I don't think there is anything there. They go to Mt Washington, walk around, then have a sit down. This just doesn't look good. She wants to tell him her feelings, that she is falling in love. Nuh-ah. She can't do it. Instead, she says she wants to go pick fruit. It doesn't look promising for you Lesley. And that's the end of that date.

Poor Sean. He's so confused. And he's so confused about his feelings that he sent for his sister Shay - on her birthday too, so they can have a little chat. I guess a fireside chat with Chris Harrison just didn't cut it. Or maybe, this was pre-arranged for Shay to have a little vacation? 

Shay says, "our biggest fear is that you will get your heart broken". Then she explains that previous Bachelors on this show seem to pick the wrong girls and it never works out. Wow, I'm surprised ABC kept that in there. Cos it's true. While this conversation is going on....

Thunder Thighs just happens to decide this is the right time to confront AshLee. Right. No plot manipulation there. Tierra accuses AshLee of sabotaging her 1-on-1 date. AshLee tells her it's just her attitude, to which Tierra says "Men love me". She argues that she doesn't like everyone acting like they're in high school, when she is a woman fully grow'd. She basically tells AshLee she is too old to be here...she should be married already and have kids...she's a cougar. Tierra runs back to her cot and AshLee wastes no time in running off to tell Catherine and Lesley about the encounter. Thunder Thighs comes running back - why AshLee didn't hear her coming, I don't know. The fight really shifts into high gear now. AshLee tells Tierra she's rude: she doesn't say hello, stays by herself and is always raising her eyebrow at her.

This is where Tierra really goes ape-shit crazy. She yells crap at AshLee such as I can't help it...it's my face. The best one of all was "I can't control my eyebrow". Now I've heard of something similar....Alien Hand Syndrome. That's where people can't control their hand...like it has a mind of it's own. I have heard of "alien hands" trying to hurt other people, or their owners. Like something from a horror movie. Only Tierra has Alien Eyebrow Syndrome. Or AES for short. Poor girl. If I had only known, I wouldn't have made so much fun of her. Wait....no. I'm kidding. Hey maybe somebody should start up a telethon to raise money for research into a cure for AES. Finally, Tierra's eyebrow makes her run off, back to her cot. She cries. Well, she pretends to cry. Oh and by the way Tierra, I hope you never paid for acting classes, because I think you better ask for a refund.

Meanwhile, Sean wants Shay to talk with the girls, so he goes off to get them. ABC really knows how to build drama. And bullshit. Wouldn't bringing Shay in to meet the girls be the logical thing to do - instead of leaving her at a table outside. Hope those chairs were comfortable because she is going to be sitting there for a couple of hours.

Sean gets inside only to find Thunder Thighs in hyper tantrum mode. The tears are flowing...oh wait, those eyes are bone dry. She keeps rubbing them, hoping to irritate up a tear or two. It doesn't work. Oh oh, that's not a symptom of AES is it? My bad. She tells Sean AshLee is mean. She can't take it anymore. Sean goes outside for a walk cos he can't take it anymore. I hope Tierra thought he was going to get a rose, like several times before. Ha. Sean goes back in to tell Thunder Thighs it's best if she goes home. There's no discussion. Sean just walks her out. I guess the Alien Eyebrows called home and Sean stuck her in her spaceship. I mean limo. No bags, nothing. I guess it was just "bye-bye your bags will be dropped off for you back home". Sean finally put out the trash.

So how is it that the other girls didn't know Tierra had left? I mean, if I were one of them, I would be listening in, discretely of course. Or watching out the window. But the five remaining women head off to the Rose Ceremony without Tierra, whom they haven't seen in a few hours. They are wondering where she is and they think she will walk in with Sean with a rose in her hand. What did the producers do? Stick the five of them in a closet so they couldn't see what was going down? Really, I wonder about these things sometimes.

Sean walks in and explains "as you may or may not know, Tierra has gone home."..."I don't want drama". He also says there won't be a cocktail party. Catherine is in shock, and raises an eyebrow. Oh no. That Alien Eyebrow thing isn't contagious is it? AshLee is scared because Sean looked at her when he mentioned drama. Yikes.

Chris Harrison, in his first appearance of the episode, walks in to tell them Lindsay already has a rose, and there are only 3 more roses tonight. Thanks Chris. Everyone knows that next week is the hometown dates and there are 4 of them. So 4 minus Lindsay's rose equals 3. So it's 1...2...3 roses. Boowah-ha-ha. Sean starts:


Harrison comes back in to point out there is only one rose left. It goes to AshLee.
Sorry Lesley, but I don't think it would have helped if you had told Sean your feelings, if you had any for him, that is.

Next week: Episode 8 Hometowns. Desiree plays a joke on Sean pretending her brother doesn't think Sean is good enough for her. Catherine has a hard time convincing her family about Sean and the journey, just like the rest of us. Sean is nervous about meeting Lindsay's father - he's a General. Plus ABC has decided to expose us to an extra special episode on Tuesday called "Sean Tells All". Which of course he won't because he won't be telling us his Final Two girls. But apparently there will additional footage from the season.

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