The Bachelor 17 Recap of The Women Tell All

So, has AshLee taken to stalking Sean? Or does she just spend every waking moment burning pictures of him with those laser eyes of hers? Has darling Sarah found a man who thinks she will make him a good wife? Has Ashley Palenkas sobered up yet? Has Lesley found some other guy to kiss? Did Desiree go home and beat the living snot out of her trailer trash brother? All good questions but forget that crap, all I want to know is has Thunder Thighs Tierra found her sparkle again and has she worked on controlling that sentient eyebrow of hers? Did she get that heart tattoo closed up now that she is engaged, and what kind of fracking loser asked her to marry him? But most important of all...has Sean finally found a shirt that fits?

Well tonight is the night we find out the answers to all our burning questions.

Part One: The Tierra Show (Reprised)

Yeah, that's right, seems this season was so boring that they had to spend the better part of the first hour with the Tierra story, one....more....time. Geez. Before she took the stage, Chris asked the women if they thought she was fake. Of course there was an overwhelming agreement: YES!!! Then Chris said, "Let's give her a chance to cry, feign an injury, um speak." We hear the standard excuse that has become the hallmark of every season's "villain" - "I didn't want to be friends with them (the other girls)"..."I went there to find a piece that is missing from my life and that was to find love". This time, this excuse just doesn't work.  Then, it's on to what Chris Harrison refers to as the battle of St. Croix.

Oh boy, I can't wait to see that one. I've heard such great reviews for it. "The Battle of St. Croix: A Very Bloody Affair - A Film by Ken Burns". Surrounded by the enemy and out of ammunition,the idealistic young woman was determined to give her life for her beliefs. She yelled, "fix bayonets" and charged the older, wiser and matronly commander. Come on...the battle of St. Croix? Give me a break. Once again, It was everybody's fault except her. To AshLee..."I asked you if you said something about me to Sean. You lied when you answered no". AshLee calls her out on it, and Selma tells her she can only use that excuse so much. Then Chris asks her the really hard-hitting questions: (I'm paraphrasing)

Chris: What's up with the eyebrow?
Tierra: Who cares about my eyebrow?
Chris: America cares!

Chris: What about your sparkle?
Tierra: I was Little Miss Nevada. My Dad always told me I had sparkle.

Chris: So, you're engaged? When did that happen?
Tierra: January.
Chris: Everyone is saying it's a hoax.
Tierra: It's real...I've got a good man.

Wow, so she was the Honey Boo Boo of her day. Maybe she's just jealous that she didn't get her own TV show called "Here Comes Tierra Sparkle". And just what kind of fricking idiot of a guy would ask this one to marry him? Is he deaf, dumb and blind? Hey wait a minute, is his name Manti Te'o?

And thus, the Age of Thunder Thighs Tierra ends. She's destined to become a legend and join the ranks of other great villains in history...Courtney, Vienna, What's-his-name from Ali's season and What's-his-name from What's-her-name's season.

Part Two: The Rest of the Show.

...was for the most part, boring and predictable. Desiree defended her family. Everyone teared up with Sarah's story. AshLee said Sean was a perfect Southern gentleman with her but seemed more like a frat boy with the others. She said she was no longer in love with Sean...she knew in that moment it was over and it was time to move on. This totally contradicts what she later says to Sean. When Sean is brought in and AshLee joins him on stage, he tells her that he was looking for his best friend...someone to have fun with. Gee. So basically he was saying AshLee is a real downer. Yeah, that's certainly how she was portrayed. All that talk of being abandoned, being an orphan, marrying as a teenager, and the trust issues? I am sure there was more than one viewer party where they played a game of taking a shot whenever AshLee mentions one of her "issues". So I really think Sean made a good choice there and dodged the proverbial bullet.

But then...a shocker. AshLee asks Sean when he changed his mind about her, specifically bringing up Sean telling her on her overnight/fantasy date that...get this... he told her that he had no feelings for the other two girls (Lindsay and Catherine). Twice. Hmmn, sounds like maybe something...ahem...went down. He denies it. But AshLee is persistent. She just won't let it go. He keeps denying. To me, there is just something off with her sincerity. Just a vibe I am getting from her. Really, what woman is going to say something like this on TV? It kind of fits with the whole stalking personna she has. She also brings up Sean not "coming to check on her after she was eliminated". This makes no sense either. They even show the two discussing it during the break in filming. I'm just calling B.S. on this. Perhaps it was thrown in to add some drama that wasn't Tierra-centric, or to use it to build interest for AshLee as the next Bachelorette, I don't know. And I certainly hope the latter is NOT the case. I'm really hoping It's going to be Desiree. AshLee just has this "creep factor". Pretty, yes. But creepy.

They showed bloopers which were amusing. Then a review of the F2 - Catherine and Lindsay, and a preview of the finale next week. They are really over-dramatizing it. Including that damned shot of that letter. Still going with it being from Catherine. Maybe his Mom or Shay. Or Des. Crap, it's not from AshLee the Stalker, is it? No, I think the producers just need to increase viewer interest in Catherine. Definitely Cat. Right?