Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Ranking the Rankers of Amazing Race Canada Recappers

Apparently I am embroiled in some sort of rivalry "the greatest the internet has ever seen", spurred on by one Logan Saunders of https://thesupacoowackiestblogintheuniverse.wordpress.com.

Well then, Logan, you little devil, you. Did you think you could get away with this, totally uncontested? I think not! Of course, I can't speak for the other three very worthy, very talented recappers. Only myself. So, here is my reply to your analysis of my recap in your ranking of recappers of The Amazing Race Canada 3 Episode 7 in Saskatoon.

[Note to other readers: I will use the same scoring methods as Logan - completely arbitrary. Yeah, that works for me.]

Logan's Dislikes:
  • Sue references The Guess Who at the beginning of the blog. I’ve had enough of those pinball wizards and spiders named Morris, personally.
  • How was everything boring in the 70s? You had disco, The Bee Gees, Welcome Back Kotter, and The Godfather movies. Funk was even finding life.
  • John Travolta was famous because Welcome Back, Kotter was awesome.
  • Ew. The Big Bang Theory reference.
  • The number is 55, 318, 008 upside-down, Sue.
  • Were the Hulk GIFs necessary?
  • You know the story by now. Grammar and spelling errors. Lack of analysis and opinions.
  • Missed out on saying “Simi and Ope who opeted out” pun.
  • There is one really long sentence without any form of punctuation. Nearly impossible to follow as a reader.
  • Do the dancing exes fight as much as you think?
  • Too much focus on Brent & Sean.
  • Who would have a home turf advantage in India?
My Reply and Scoring:

  • It's the Guess Who. Not The Who. Geesh, dude. Get your Whos straight. Shame, shame. Do yourself a favour and don't ever go to Winnipeg! Score: -10 for lack of knowledge of the greatest Canadian band ever, and the great, the one and only, Burton Cummings. OR Randy Bachman. I should double that score, but I will take it easy on you...this time. And just in case you STILL don't know WHO I am talking about, I have provided the Youtube video. Surely you must appreciate the fact that I had to wait through 3 seasons of The Amazing Race Canada to reference this song.  
  • Oh, the 70's were indeed boring. Been there, done that. I believe you have fallen prey to your parents' (or maybe grandparents'?) romanticising their youth. Unless you enjoyed bowling or playing pinball there was very little to do. The music was great, but you had to carry it with you to your BFF's basement.  Sure there were a few good movies, but more often than not you had to line up around the block to see them the first time. Or you had to wait until the 80's to see them in the comfort of your own home. And THAT was in Toronto, So if the great, the one and only, Burton Cummings (all praise his name!) said Saskatoon was boring in the 70's, well that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Score: -1 for not being there.
  • John Travolta was not famous because of Welcome Back, Kotter. Vinnie Barbarino couldn't hold a candle to Arthur Fonzarelli. Everyone knows that. Travolta became famous for Saturday Night Fever and Grease, and his fame was the direct result of people having nothing else better to do than seeing those movies. Score: -1 for not seeing the correlation.
  • The Big Bang Theory: Yeah, I know it's not for everyone. But white-boards? Formulas? How can that be ignored? Not only that, but I believe you need to take a better look at my picture. Score: -5 for not acknowledging my (self-taught) photo-manipulation skills.
  • 5,318,008 upside down is "BOOBIES" dude. Not BOOBIESS. Score: -1...self explanatory.
  • Hulk gifs. Yes, they were very necessary. The Eric Bana Hulk gif was absolutely necessary to compare to Nick. The second one to point out how much Eric Bana sucked as the Hulk. Score: -5 for missing Matt's comparison of Nick to the Hulk on the trampoline. It was the best line of the episode! And I should give you another -1 for missing the Bana/Ruffalo thing, but I won't because I am a nice person.
  • Grammar, "one really long sentence" and spelling errors. Okay, I'll give you that. But let me explain. I have reached a certain age where I no longer, how do you say? Oh yeah, give a shit. When you consider the amount of content I have on my blog, I think a few unusually long sentences once in a while is nothing. Also, I have a sticky keyboard. The "O" is particularly uncooperative and finicky lately. Have you ever tried to type with long nails? It truly sucks. And I am not even going to mention the fact that I usually write my posts either at 1 A.M. OR while I am doing the laundry. Although I use Grammarly, I refuse to pay for the pro version. I am just not going to do it. Score: +10 for calling me out on that one. On second thought, no. I just took another look at your post. You know what they say? People who live in glass houses and all that rot? We're just going to call this even, okay?
  • Puns: No one likes them, so I do not use them a lot. When I do, they are necessary or sometimes to make fun of puns themselves. Score: -1 for thinking I missed something so silly.
  • Fighting dancing exes: What? Where? What? Maybe they were bickering a lot in the beginning but the last few episodes they have started to co-operate a bit more with each other. There is also an occasional Leilani eye roll every once in a while. Score: -1 for something I never said in this post.
  • Too much focus on Sean & Brent. Between using their express pass and the grand entrance to the mat for first place, I would have to say they owned this episode. Besides, I thought I gave the Wrestlers and the Brothers Montani just as much if not more attention. Score: -1 for incorrect observation.
  • Who would have a home turf advantage in India? Again, what? Sukhi and Jinder were in  last season's cast. Remember? Score -1 for what, I still don't know.
And some other observations...
  • Turn about is fair play. I have gladly accepted the whole grammar criticism, so may I suggest you start using a few formatting skills? So much white space. So many dashes! It's very hard to read. It's messy and I just feel like your heart really isn't in it. Score: -1
  • Hey, hey, hey, if you're going to reference other peoples' blogs, can you please post links? Look up. Look way, way up. See it? Yeah, up there at the top of my post. Like I did for you. It's easy. Score: -1 for socially unacceptable internet engagement.
  • I didn't know ass-kissing was a factor! Please tell me how I can make up for this horrendous oversight oh wise one! But then again, I don't remember talking on Twitter with you, or seeing any comments on my posts, or emails or anything! You never call anymore! You can talk to be...I'm a nice person, you know! Why can't we all just get along? Score -1 
Things you missed or were unaware of (which I won't dock you for):
  • I don't repost TARC gifs. Or memes. Or about half of any other reaction gifs I use in the blog. I make my own. Just saying. That's gotta count for something, right? AND I usually do these at 2 A.M. in the morning or while burning the spaghetti sauce. Here, look at THIS OR THIS 
  • For The Amazing Race Canada, my primary work (God forbid) is with spoilers. Recapping is fun, but it's secondary. I think I do a darn good job of keeping the two separate, don't you?
  • I don't reference a lot of TAR history. My preference. This is not only because TARC is my sole subject, but also because I see so much of it overdone. Sure it's fine once in a blue moon. Oh, crap...I will just come out and say it. It's frigging annoying. So once upon a time, someone did or didn't do something or other, just like someone else once did in such and such a place. The constant comparisons of TARC to the original TAR. Blech. I am happy leaving it with American commentators or forum contributors, who have nothing else to bring to the table. I just prefer to keep the focus on the Canadian version - be it good or bad.
  • You totally missed my Double Tony Montana and their little friends. That's just sad.
So if I have totally annoyed you, I am sorry. I am just having some light-hearted fun. And that's all I have to say about that.