Recap of Episode 4: Thunder-Thighs-Tierra Tantrum Time

Hey, it's already episode 4, and we start off with what else? Shirtless Sean going through his grooming routine...again. Makes me wonder if Sean will be able to take a shower without a cameraman when the show is done.


Chris Harrison wastes no time in showing up and telling the girls that Sean sees his future wife in the room. He Leaves and the first date card arrives...."Selma, let's turn up the heat". Leslie H is very upset. She knows that her 1-on-1 date is coming up and cries because today is not that day. Save your tears Leslie. I think you got your lines mixed up.

Sean shows up wearing his best pink knickers to pick up Selma. They jump on a plane - Selma has no idea where they are going, and they land in the desert. She obviously thought they were going to Paris, because she was not happy to see where she was. Didn't you look out the plane windows Selma? Selma notices they are in the middle of Hot-As-Hell, California and whines, "I don't do well in heat".  Yeah, I bet those boob implants are a bitch in hot weather...aren't you afraid of them starting to boil? And if those things boil, will they burst?
They go to Joshua Tree National Park to do some rock climbing, which Selma claims never to have done before. She starts up first, and Sean follows behind, or should I say he follows her behind? Sean looks up and says "You look cute in that helmet", which was a physical impossibility from that angle. But I guess he couldn't say "your ass is hot" on national TV. Selma makes it up the rock face pretty quick for someone who's never done it before, so you know the whole thing is a crock of crap. Later, they go off to a romantic evening at a romantic...trailer park? Classy. I guess it's time to throw the trash out. It's at this motel called Hicksville Trailer Park and Artist Resort. Artist resort? I think they may be taking some liberty with that term. There's a teepee and the trailers all have different "themes". Really classy.

They get right to the cuddling. Selma, being born in Iraq, explains that she has to date in secret, her mom is not happy that she is on the show, and they cannot kiss. Well, according to Reality Steve, the key word here is "secret"...because the girl has a bit of a bad reputation. Let's just say, she's not as sweet and innocent as she and ABC are making her out to be. Well, maybe she can't kiss on TV, but we are left to wonder what was going on under that blanket...and whatever it was, Sean gives her a rose for it.

Group date card reads "I am looking for a girl who can roll with the punches" and its for Amanda, Sarah, Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, AshLee, Catherine and...Tierra. Sorry Thunder Thighs, but no 1-on-1 date for you again this week. Must suck to be you. So they are supposed to get some lessons and then play some old school roller derby. Everyone is complaining that they have never done this before, except Amanda. Someone asks her if she's done this before and she smiles and says yes. She hasn't...this is her way of psyching out the competition. Sarah, of course has some real concerns and gets upset. She eventually joins in. Meanwhile Amanda is still bragging about being a badass...then whoops, she falls and does a face-plant into the track. Someone says "call an ambulance" but instead a crew member drives her to the hospital. This only makes last week's incident with Thunder thighs Tierra look all the more preposterous and fake.

The after-party is on the roof at the Roosevelt Apartments. As usual, it's Tierra time. Seems Thunder Thighs is not happy she is on her third group date. And she is determined to make everyone suffer for it. She wants that rose. What Thunder Thighs wants, Thunder Thighs gets. So it's obviously time for her to pull out another Tierra tantrum from her bag of tricks. And at just the right time. Just when Lindsay and Sean change into their swimsuits, Tierra is there crying...right outside the door. She shanghais Sean, complains about the girls and how she's being tortured...waah, waah, waah. Sean falls for it. When he goes to get the rose, its time for Tierra's close-up. Yeah, that's right...the close up of the evil "my plan is working" grin. Euwww, and yuck. She is an evil bitch!!!

The second 1-on-1 date card reads "Could this be forever?" There's also a pair of diamond earrings with the card which means it's time for this season's "Pretty Woman" date. For you newbies out there, this is the date where the Bachelor brings one lucky lady on a shopping spree...just like Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman". Well, there are three problems with this date. First of all, Julia Roberts played a hooker in that movie, so is that a stupid analogy or what? Second, I don't remember any girl who gets this date getting to the end of the show. Third, it's pretty much a sponsor's dream...just another product placement. The Bachelor Pretty Woman 2013 stars who else?...Leslie Hughes. Yes, the Poker Dealer/Actress. Finally she can stop crying about not getting her Seanie time. Thank God. Sean picks her up in a convertible...Leslie says, "Hot car, hot earrings, hot guy". Geez. It's off to Rodeo Drive where Leslie gets a cocktail dress with boob-bling diamond details, shoes and a purse. The date is awkward. She is more interested in the shopping than being with Sean. I can't blame her. It's just painful to watch...there's just nothing between them. So we just know how the whole thing is going to turn out. Next it's off to Neil Lane, the jeweler who supplies the engagement ring in the finale. Leslie gets a diamond necklace, then Sean magically changes into a suit. At dinner, Leslie explains her life story to Sean. It's more like a job interview than a date. Sean picks up the rose, then tells her there is no connection. He walks her out...she takes off the necklace. Sean walks back in, drops the rose over the side of the railing while Ben Taylor plays. How staged was that? And why wasn't the band playing during the date? Meanwhile Leslie is in the limo, giving her final ITM, and there's no crying? Oh well, she has 4 episodes of the Bachelor to add to her resume (hey wasn't she on 4 episodes of "Take Me Out"), a cameo on Happy Endings, as well as a new dress, shoes and purse. So she did okay.

At the cocktail party before the rose ceremony, a few interesting things happen. Robyn gets some 1-on-1 time with Sean, and she just happens to have some chocolate. She explains that she has been trying to think up some good pickup lines. Like "You want a taste of chocolate?" Really? Yeah Sean falls for it and they kiss. Later, Thunder Thighs offers up an apology to Robyn and Jackie. It's bull and they know it. Then Catherine gets some alone time which is very telling. Why? Well you have to listen to the conversation. Catherine says she's been building a relationship with Sean from day one. She says to Sean, "we don't waste any time when we see each other". They hug and Catherine has her face buried in Sean's chest. Sean says "You can look up anytime" and he kisses her. So...they have been building a relationship since the beginning, despite the fact they haven't had a 1-on-1 date??? Well if that's the case, then ABC has gone out of their way not to show us this interaction. So far, Catherine has just appeared to be one of the herd. Are we really fooled by this?

Rose Ceremony time. Selma and Tierra already have roses. Sean hands out more roses to:

Catherine (there are subtitles that say...I want to kiss you. Hey didn't you say the same thing to Selma?)
Desiree
Lindsay
Leslie M
Robyn
AshLee
Sarah
Jackie
Daniella

Amanda doesn't get a rose. Chris Harrison, who seems to be Mr. Elusive this week, more so than usual, appears to say "if you didn't get a rose, please say your goodbyes". Hey, Chris...it was just Amanda who didn't get one, so couldn't you have acknowledged her? You know, be a little more personal about it? Apparently Sean couldn't care much either...he couldn't even walk her out to the limo.

Next week: the show goes on the road for the first time this season. And there are two episodes. The preview promises two times the drama. First, on at it's usual Monday time slot, its off to Whitefish, Montana. Why, I don't know. Some sort of farm games are involved. Fun times. Then on Tuesday at 9 P.M. EST, they go to Canada for a polar bear dip. Tierra pulls another fake out, feigning hypothermia. And it's obvious. Really bad acting. Or maybe its a psychotic break. Poor Tierra. Poor us. Except that by the end of next Tuesday, there will only be six girls left. Yeah!!! And it will also be the end of the drama, if you know what I mean. Double Yeah!!! In Canada, we will also see perhaps the first truly romantic date so far this season.